


FRIENDED

by Stella_Delilah



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 09:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5158679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stella_Delilah/pseuds/Stella_Delilah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Creating a dating profile was Aikawa's idea, and now he was charged with keeping it. Usami Akihiko meets a young man on a popular gay dating website and is surprised, confused, and most of all, intrigued. Alternate meeting</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Akihiko: Mornings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [FRIENDED](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/153980) by Stella_Delilah. 



This is insane.

I shouldn’t be doing this. 

He could be a stalker, a serial killer, a deranged axe murderer.  
................................................................................................................................................

“This is fucking ridiculous.” 

Usami Akihiko stared at his 2nd paragraph of the day, which had followed a restless and highly unproductive night, and let out a tense breath. His writing sucked. This book sucked. He should give up now, while he still had a chance to stop this novel before anyone else read the garbage. He knew that Aikawa would call and tell him that no, it didn’t suck, yes, she really believed that, and didn’t he say the same thing about the last 4 best sellers? And countless other books before that, those ones that paid for the lush apartment that he lounged in, the expensive computer he was using, the suits that lined up in his closet, perfectly pressed and seldom used? 

Akihiko sighed, and glanced at the clock for 13th time that morning. It was now 8:36, which was much too early for him to even have left his room yet. He ran a hand over his face, grimacing at the sleep still caught in the corners of his eyelids. There were still 23 pages to go in the latest manuscript. Akihiko chanced another look back at the clock. 8:37.

The morning passed quickly. Akihiko, a busy author, spent the time writing, rewriting, drinking his coffee and frowning at what he had written, and then writing once more, just to get it perfect this time. He knew that he would go through this cycle again, but for now, it was alright. 

After a few tiring and troubling hours with seemingly less accomplished than when he started, Akihiko called for takeout for lunch. As he munched on his sushi and stared out at the city from his balcony, a familiar, unmistakeable pang came in his gut. With a slow glance around his empty apartment, he rose to his feet once again, throwing his empty box into the trash, and sitting at his computer to write. Again.

Hiroki called at 4:30, the same as he did almost every other day, unless he was busy with a “male companion”, the most recent being a young and very attractive man named Nowaki Kusama, who Akihiko claimed (and Hiroki agreed) had the attitude and mannerisms of a large puppy. Akihiko let the phone ring four times before answering with a brisk, “Hello?”

“Oy, couldn’t get to the phone quick enough?” came Hiroki’s unavoidably attitudinal response. 

Akihiko forced himself not to chuckle as he responded, “I was too busy writing. Some of us are actually achieving their dreams, you know.” 

He could hear Hiroki swallow his laugh. “Yeah, right. I’m sure you were just staring at the same sentence that you’ve probably been staring at for 6 hours now.” Akihiko shrugged his own shoulders now. After knowing each other for almost 20 years now, jokes like this occurred easily and often, although he still believed that it was scary how much Hiroki knew about his writing process and his habits. The next question knocked him out of his reverie. “Have you checked again yet?” 

Akihiko shook his head, realized that Hiroki could not see him, and spoke aloud. “No, I haven’t.” He said, suddenly feeling very tired and groggy. He began to pace and touched his belongings as he went, trying to wake himself up a little bit.

“You should check. See if there’s anything new. Who knows, maybe you’ll have a smut message, or someone wants to roleplay. That could be fun.” Hiroki and Akihiko both laughed aloud at this, and there was quiet before Akihiko answered.

“Yeah, I should. I doubt there will be anything, though.”

“Tell you what- You check, and I’ll pick you up at 6. Sound good?” Akihiko opened his mouth to protest. “And Nowaki-kun has the night shift today, so don’t worry about beating your ass again.” The last time that Hiroki and Akihiko had gone out together- alone- Nowaki had shown up to the bar in a full rage, screaming at Akihiko and Hiroki, and insisting that this man was not nearly good enough for his Hiro. Needless to say, the night had ended in a black eye and bloody mouth for Akihiko, a furious Hiroki, and a regretful yet slightly unapologetic Nowaki. From that point on, Nowaki was always included in the group’s plans. 

Akihiko groaned in fake exhaustion and resignation, but both men knew that his feigned annoyance was simply another part of this routine that they had set up, the irritation of actually having to leave the house. “Hey, Usami-san?” 

“Yes?”

“I really think you should check your matches again. I mean, you know. Something may have popped up.” Akihiko stopped his pacing, and looked to his computer screen, the Big Hero 6 wallpaper staring at him from across the room for a few seconds before switching to a close-up picture of a rabbit.

“Okay.” 

“See you at 6.” The line went dead, and Akihiko carelessly threw the phone to the couch, treading slowly to the computer.

As he logged onto the website, a small curl of excitement unleashed itself in his stomach. What if there was something new? What if someone was interested? Who knew? Or what if he was just as boring online as he was in real life? What if no one was interested? What if no one wanted him, the way that it had been for his entire life?

 

These were only a handful of the fears that ran through Usami Akihiko’s mind as he clicked on his inbox to retrieve his new messages. Creating a dating profile was Aikawa’s idea, but the upkeep was his own, and he was solely to blame for the flood of messages that had overwhelmed his email. 

His profile picture was the same as many of the ones on the website, an “avi” of his body from the navel to the neck, only displaying off his physique and showing that he was indeed a man. Because of this picture, he’d captured a lot of traffic on his profile, and mystery and ambiguity of his bio seemed to do nothing to deter the attention of the men on the site.

Blearily clicking through the horny messages of desperate fellows who wanted to meet him on the site, Akihiko clicked on the link to take him to his new matches. He swiped through a few, looking at the usual parade of scantily clad men with big smiles and almost obnoxiously huge biceps, and turned away from the laptop to light a cigarette. Almost immediately, his laptop pinged. As he swiveled back, Akihiko saw the small notification in the top corner notifying that someone else had added him to their favorites. Resisting an eye roll (because who wouldn’t want Usami Akihiko on their favorites list?) he clicked on the profile. As he did, his mouth dropped open and he felt his cigarette fall from it onto the computer desk.

“Shit...Wow.” Were the first words from Akihiko’s mouth as he looked at the profile of the the young man who had added him. He looked more like a boy, to be honest, not even old enough to use this website for its intended purpose. Akihiko leaned into his computer screen, as if he would get a closer and more realistic idea of the picture before him. This man had only one, unlike the other dozens of men who included pictures of their abs, their biceps, their legs, their ass, their dicks. Anything that would gain attention.

This profile was unlike those. There was very sparse information in the allowed categories, and what was given was vague, mysterious, and strangely enough, compelling. Akihiko found himself scrolling through the information that the boy had provided, only to find himself even more intrigued. The profile read as this:

AGE: 20  
HEIGHT: 5’4  
CITY: Tokyo  
OCCUPATION: Student/baker/cafe worker  
HOBBIES: Reading and baking and kissing  
INTERESTING FACT ABOUT MYSELF: I’m an orphan and the fault is my own.

Akihiko pushed himself back from the desk and immediately rolled back. Kissing was a hobby? Why was being an orphan his own fault? Did he kill his parents? Who was this mystery kid?

The only clue to the answer of his question was the name at the top of the profile.  
Misaki Takahashi.

Akihiko looked at the photo again, observing his green eyes, brown hair and bright smile, seeming almost too big for his face.

He leaned back in his chair and felt a smile tugging at his mouth.

“And just who are you, Misaki-kun?” He said softly, and lifted his cigarette to his mouth. He clicked the small icon that would add Misaki to his favorites as well, making him the only one on this coveted list, and headed to his bathroom to shower for his dinner with Hiroki.


	2. Akihiko: Takeout, Online, and Cola

I move too fast and all I want is sex. 

We’re going to start out like fire and fizzle out, like we always do, like the fireworks we are.  
....................................................................................................................................................  
Maybe there would be an equally adorable, not quite as young, and assuredly real man at the club tonight, Akihiko considered as he ran his hands through his silver-blonde hair. That was assuming, of course, that he could drag Hiroki to the club after dinner. They always ate at a small family restaurant that was far enough into the city to require his sportscar, but suburban enough that it was within walking distance of the library. The setting was quaint and the atmosphere was enjoyable, but tonight Akihiko wanted to feel something.  
He wanted to feel alive for once.  
As he combed through his hair and teased the locks into position, Akihiko’s mind wandered back to the strange profile. Misaki’s profile, he corrected himself distractedly. Was he really only 20 years old? Was he as boring as his profile indicated? Countless other thoughts ran through Akihiko’s head, most of them pointless and trivial. When Hiroki rang his buzzer and yelled at him through the speaker, he checked his hair and face once more before locking the door behind him and rushing to the stairs of the building.

Dinner with Hiroki was all at once boring, relaxing and reassuring at the same time. The repetition of each meeting comforted Akihiko in some strange way, giving him reassurance of the one constant in his life- Hiroki Kamijou, his lifelong best friend and biggest supporter. Akihiko would order a burger and cheese fries, maybe some chili and beans if he was feeling gutsy. Hiroki would call him a traitor (“Don’t you remember Hiroshima? I’m never eating American food...”) and would order a soup, any soup, or a cheap salad. Hiroki’s choice of meal was the only factor that ever changed on these dates. While they sipped on water and barely sweetened iced teas, Hiroki would pester him about the latest manuscript and subtly encourage him to finish, to keep up with his writing. Hiroki would encourage him to keep existing, and Akihiko could never convey his love and appreciation to the man for that.   
When the food arrived, Hiroki would inevitably stare at Akihiko’s meal and wrinkle his nose, a surprisingly childish gesture on his face, and would comment on clogged arteries and an early death at 43. As they ate, Hiroki would speak at length about his day, his students and the ones that he hated (which was most of them), his annoying office mate, and anything else that might interest Akihiko.  
It was unspoken that Akihiko would remain almost silent during this time, leaving him time to eat his own meal to the fullest, and to only nod accordingly when needed. This also left time for Hiroki to barely touch his meal, leaving most of it still on the plate. When it came time to pay the bills, Hiroki always requested a box, claiming that he would finish this at home with Nowaki. Neither man mentioned the fact that Hiroki never looked at Akihiko as he said this, and that Hiroki never ate more than 1/4 of his plate, if that. He would toss the box to the back of his car when they got in and headed to the next destination, and Akihiko wouldn’t ask him if his food would be ruined. Both of them seemed to know that this was not an issue for Hiroki. Neither of them would mention this.  
As they headed out to the car and Hiroki held the rest of his garden salad in the small black box in his hand, Akihiko allowed himself to entertain the possibility that, at his own apartment, Hiroki’s refrigerator was filled with 3 shelves of take out boxes like this. And even as Hiroki tossed the box into the backseat, muttering something about giving that to Nowaki or eating it later, Akihiko knew that he was being fanciful and neither of those options would happen. 

“So, where to now, old buddy, old pal?” Hiroki said with feigned enthusiasm as he put his car into reverse and waited for instructions, appearing almost like a petulant cab driver. Akihiko stretched his arms over his head and sighed. Dinner had seemed more exhausting than usual.  
“Can you maybe just drive me home, please?” He asked softly, looking out of the window. Hiroki glanced over at him and nodded. The ride back to Akihiko’s loft was quiet, as both men were exceptionally melancholy and somber. There was really no occasion for the moodiness beside their own concerns and thoughts. For some reason, Akihiko felt worse than usual about leaving their “bro night” early. As Akihiko left Hiroki’s car and waved goodnight, he glanced back to the forgotten box in his backseat. A flurry of questions and speculations ran through his head in a split second, and almost as though he’d been jerked, he brought his eyes back to Hiroki’s. His best friend stared at him for a good 5 seconds before blurting out a quick “good night” and speeding away from the front doors. Akihiko stared at the headlights of the car as Hiroki stopped for the light before continuing into the evening. 

As Akihiko entered his still empty loft, a sudden inexplicable and undismissable sadness welled in his chest, and he felt a lump rise in his throat. Throwing his blazer onto the chair across from him, he sank down onto the couch and sank his head into his heads. There was some small part of him that wanted to call someone, anyone, and talk to them about anything, whatever came to mind. But if he was honest with himself, there was no one that he felt comfortable enough to do that with, which is why Akihiko spent most nights by himself, watching television, and considering all of the different roads that his life might have taken. Hiroki had his own issues, Aikawa wasn’t the kind of person that you would do that with, even if he were close enough with her, and the only other person was long gone, completely out of reach.

A soft ‘ping’ from his desktop signaled a notification, knocking Akihiko out of his reverie and alerting him back to the real world. He pulled his long sleeved t-shirt over his head as he headed over to the computer. It was 7:00, which wasn’t late by any means, but Aikawa rarely ever contacted him in the evening or any time past that. After the first time that she’d broken into his apartment, they’d agreed that she would never call, ring, or hurt him before 9:30 a.m., which saved their relationship for future occasions.   
The new email was actually a notification from his dating website, which was appropriately named “Catchers and Pitchers”. It was an email meant to notify him to check his profile’s inbox. Akihiko didn’t take much thought to it as he logged into the website and opened up his inbox. It wasn’t until the note was open on his desktop did the man stop his motions and feel his heart genuinely twist, as he stared at the bright smile on Misaki’s innocent face. The message read:

“Hi!   
My name is Misaki Takahashi, and I’m 20 years old. I noticed that I’m the only man on your favorites list. You seem like you might actually be real offline, and your location says that you live in Tokyo, so I was wondering if you wanted to meet up? Maybe at a coffee shop? I know that’s like, totally hipster and whatever, but if you can, just message me back. Or else, if you aren’t looking for anything offline, please un-add me.  
Thanks!

The note was signed, Misa-kun, which Akihiko thought was impossibly cute. He reread the message and considered his options. This kid was cute. So fucking adorable. He was probably tiny and smiley and happy. Also, he needed to do a search on the word ‘hipster’. Akihiko thought of his options again with this cute kid, who was probably good, and was in college and was most likely a virgin (Oh shit, when was the last time he’d ever had a virgin fuck) and he was interested. That’s basically what the message had said. Lighting up a cigarette and pulling closer to the desk, he began to type back.

From: U. Aki-san  
To: Misaki Takahashi

Hi there. I would be very interested in meeting you in real life. You seem cute, and nice.   
Are you?

A reply came almost instantaneously.

To: U. Aki-san  
From: Misaki Takahashi

Awesome! And thank you :) You’re really attractive too, tbh. What do you do for a living? I make bread and pastries and decorate cakes. I make cakes too, but I guess they’d be considered in the pastry category. No, they’re bigger than pastries. What do you think?

Akihiko stared at his computer screen in almost disbelief. This kid just asked him if he thought cakes were a pastry. What the.... He smiled wryly to himself. This might be an easy one, he thought.

To: Misaki Takahashi  
From: U. Aki-san

No, they’d be considered a baked good. You’re the cook, shouldn’t you know? ; )

He smiled to himself and went to take another drag of his cigarette. The response was immediate. Akihiko was practically spooked, and nearly dropped the cancer stick in his mouth. What, was this kid a fucking superhero with his keyboard? He scrolled down to read the response.

To: U. Aki-san  
From: Misaki Takahashi

Ha. Funny. When was the last time you cried by yourself and who was the last person you cried in front of someone? And p.s., putting a space between the eyes and the smile on your emoji makes you seem like a weird older creep who hasn’t caught up with the latest lingo.

Akihiko stared at the message, stunned by the sudden lack of empathy and the change of subject.   
I hope this kid isn’t a serial killer or some sort of psychopath, he thought as he typed out his reply, almost a bit shaken. But he wasn’t shaken. Nothing really shook Usami Akihiko.

To: Misaki Takahashi  
From: U. Aki-san

I don’t really cry. I guess the last time that I would have cried was almost 5 years ago, when my father died. I wasn’t really sad, but I cried alone. We never really knew each other, and my brother didn’t really like me. I was never legitimate to him, and I never will be. That was the last time I cried alone. I can’t recall the last person I cried in front of. It was probably the last man that I fell in love with, or my childhood best friend.

Akihiko stared at his soul on the screen. Why the hell was he telling this to some stranger, some kid online who he’d never even met? And why did it feel fine to talk to him like this?   
This is insane, Akihiko thought. I shouldn’t be doing this. He could be a stalker, a serial killer, a deranged axe murderer.  
The response came quickly again, though it was slower than before.

To: U. Aki-san  
From: Misaki Takahashi

That’s very sad, and I’m so sorry for your loss. My father died when I was young, so I never really spent a lot of time with him. I did all of the things you’re supposed to do as a kid, play catch, learn to ride a bike, play chess, whatever. But I wished I’d gotten the chance to spend real time with him. I guess you’ll never get that either.

There was a pause here, almost as if Misaki had sent the message, and immediately had thought of something to add.

The last time I cried was when my brother told me that he was getting married and I was on my own. That was 2 years ago, when I went off to school. I’m lucky that I got so many scholarships, so I only have to pay about 2,000 yen a year. It’s not bad at all, so basically I’ll have no loans. I cry by myself all the time, like a constant. I cried earlier today too.

Akihiko stared at the words before feeling a lump in his own throat. This boy was a freaking miracle. He was honest and kind and probably sitting at his own computer wondering why he’d sent the message. Talking with Misaki was easy and refreshing, as if they had spoken for years and knew each other well. Suddenly, Akihiko thought that he perhaps understood the appeal of online relationships. You wouldn’t see this person each day, and have to deal with the aftermath of sharing your secrets, of seeing all of the bruises on legs, the takeout boxes that went untouched for days on end....  
He shook himself, and answered the message.

To: Misaki Takahashi  
From: U. Aki-san

Please, can you call me? I want to hear your voice. Here’s my number.

Akihiko typed the number quickly and sent the message, taking quick, short drags on his cigarette. It wasn’t 25 seconds later that his cell phone rang on the coffee table. He jumped from the chair and lunged for it, almost falling on the bare floor. He answered on the 2nd ring. 

“Hello?” He asked desperately, mentally cursing himself for how pathetic that sounded.

“Is this... Aki-san?” Came the uncertain voice. Akihiko could almost feel his heartbeat through his chest, through his shirt, as if he were a cartoon on a tv show and everyone could see his excitement and nervousness. He felt warmer than usual, for some odd reason.

“Yeah- yes. I’m Akihiko. Misaki, I’m really glad you called.” He sat down on the couch, shaking his leg at a furious pace. 

Misaki’s laugh was high and oddly pleasant. It was almost like birds chirping, but as though they were singing for joy at the top of their lungs. “I’m glad to make you glad.” He said, and Akihiko almost groaned at the sound of his voice. It was a mixture between an innocent lilt and a 1-800 number that you might call late at night, not at 7:30 in the evening on a Wednesday, for God’s sake. “I’m everything that I say am, as in my profile, I mean.”

There was something uncertain and cautious in Misaki’s voice. Akihiko was so ridiculously happy to talk to him, for no real reason, if he was being completely honest with himself. “I’m really only 20. Um, I had another question for you. What was the last book that moved you emotionally? Book or movie. Or multi-multiple ones, if that happened to you.”   
Akihiko obliged him, and asked the same question in return. This continued for an hour and a half, with Misaki asking random, seemingly off the wall questions and Akihiko answering truthfully and diligently. He felt electric, as though all of his senses were being electrocuted at the same time. He thought that if Misaki was in this room right now, he would touch him, and his nerve endings would all catch fire and burn them up, he and Misaki, and they would melt together into one person. Misaki laughed, and he could hear the smile in his voice. 

Over their talk, he learned so many things about the younger man. Things like his first kiss (an American boy who was blond with beautiful hazel eyes, Misaki claimed), the fact that he was deathly afraid of the dark and of being forgotten (“My second death-that’s what I’m the most afraid of.” Misaki had said, laughing.), and he learned that his biggest wish was to own and run his own pastry shop, far into the future. “Like, when I’m old. Like 30.” Misaki teased, and it was Akihiko’s turn to laugh with him.   
He listened to Misaki’s woes of childhood, from his dead parents (“I don’t really want to talk about that much.”) to his first job. In return, Akihiko told him about his depression through college, and even now, his writing style (he left out the part about being a billionaire bachelor), and his love for stuffed animals and giant toys. They were telling each other almost everything about themselves, and both men seemed to acknowledge and accept this.   
During this time, Misaki convinced Akihiko to turn on Lana del Rey, and told him which songs to click next in the YouTube shuffle. Akihiko did so dutifully, listening to both the breathy and captivating voice of the woman who sang about alcohol and “daddies”, and to the laughing, sensual voice of the boy he spoke with. It wasn’t until 10:00 that Misaki told him that he had to go, that he had class at 9:00 the next morning.   
“Can I see you?” He asked desperately. It was somewhat disconcerting to him that, in these almost 3 hours talking to Misaki, he had told him some things that even he and Hiroki hadn’t discussed.   
Misaki made a “hmm” sound, and sighed. Akihiko swallowed, feeling another lump in his throat, but for a different reason this time. He moaned into the phone, and if Akihiko hadn’t been holding onto the cushion, he’d have fallen from the couch.   
“Sorry, I yawned, but I also tried to talk. It came out weird.” Came Misaki’s reply, following by his high and lilting laugh. Akihiko’s tongue felt thick, and his pants were getting tighter by the minute. He needed confirmation quickly, so that he could hang up the phone and go somewhere very, very private, away from this boy who was pulling him in deeper each moment, with each sensuous and loaded sentence. Misaki sighed again.  
“Yes. I can meet you at the coffee house I told you about. I’ll message you the address.” He added, almost absently, as though he were considering something else at the moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow at 4. Will that work?”  
“Yes!” Akihiko rasped. He’d been biting down on his tongue since Misaki had moaned at him. Had he always been this needy, this ready? He was a grown man, he needed to get it together.  
“Okay.” He could almost hear the smile in Misaki’s voice again. “I’ll- uh, mmmm-I’ll”, there was a gasp and a sigh. He was moaning again, and it was maddening. “I’ll meet you there tomorrow, okay. Mm. I’m sorry, I’m just so tired, Aki-san.” Akihiko was practically rubbing his crotch on the couch, he was extremely hard by now.   
“That sounds amazing.” He was able to get out, painfully aware of how high and tight his voice sounded. “Yeah, I will meet you there, at 4.” He grunted out.  
“Yeah, good. Okay, I really gotta go now.” There came what sounded like a genuine yawn on Misaki’s end. The computer pinged, and Akihiko spared a look over. Misaki had already sent the address, plus a map of the city with the small shop pin pointed on it.  
“Oh, and Akihiko-san?” Akihiko was hanging on his every word.  
“Yes?” He said expectantly into the phone.  
Misaki suddenly let out a loud and unexpected moan into the phone, sounding like a long, “Uhhmmmmmph...”, which was followed by a short gasp after it, and a sigh. It sounded as if Misaki had just climaxed and Akihiko had to unzip his pants so that he could breathe again.  
“What I meant to say was,” Misaki paused, and Akihiko could hear him barely containing his laughter. “Have fun with your boner.”   
The phone clicked, signaling the end of the call, but not before Akihiko heard Misaki begin to erupt into laughter on the other end. He sat on the couch, staring at the phone and feeling extremely embarrassed. He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and tossed the phone onto the couch. As he stood up, the bulge in his pants alerted him once more, and he rushed upstairs to his bedroom, and closed the door, diving onto his bed with a ferocious urgency and need to remove his private parts from his underwear.  
As he helped himself in the bedroom, Lana del Rey suddenly came to a stop on his desktop, ending the last song on shuffle, “Cola”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	3. Akihiko: Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Usami Akihiko meets Takahashi Misaki.

“You scare me sometimes, you know that?”  
“And why would I scare you?”  
“You seem bipolar, or maybe unstable.”  
“I promise you that I’m not bipolar...”

.................................................................................................................................................................................  
Akihiko had slept so soundly that when he awoke at 7:30 a.m., he wasn’t angry or groggy. Nor was he angry when he stubbed his pinky toe on the side of his dresser while dancing in his room. He had attached his phone to the small speaker on the side of his wardrobe and played his music as loud as he wanted, using his Spotify Premium account for the first time in 4 months. I really should use this more, it’s so convenient. Akihiko thought as he moved the speaker into the bathroom and started the shower. Plus I pay 1200 yen for it each month. He lavishly rubbed shampoo into his hair, soaped his body up and down, and danced as though everyone were watching, as if everyone could see his happiness bubbling up like water on a stove, until it boiled over and spilled onto all of the people around him. After taking care of his morning wood and dressing, Akihiko ran a block to the coffee house on the corner for a quick breakfast sandwich, and then returned to his house to write.  
Words seemed to pour out of his every crevice, as though he’d learned to write yesterday and was now able to put down every word and letter, to describe the world as he saw it. The first thing that the author did was write his recollection of he and Misaki’s talk from the previous night, including Misaki’s little sighs and laughs and the way that they made him feel and how that feeling made him want to cry, which was strange because Usami Akihiko didn’t cry. It felt like meeting your soul mate, which was a scary and very new concept. He had only met one man before who he’d thought might be his soulmate, and he had left him, like all others would eventually. Except Hiroki, and now, may be, Misaki Takahashi.  
After writing what was essentially a journal entry, Akihiko wrote the last 4 chapters of his novel. The entire process of writing and rewriting and reading it over took until 1:00, but he barely noticed. During this time, he only refilled his coffee and ate 3 of the peaches on his counter. After finishing the entire thing, he emailed the document to Aikawa and sat down on his couch to watch television. Akihiko mostly watched British shows, being that he’d lived in England during his formative years, and had grown accustomed to the wry sense of humor and the tongue-in-cheek type of jokes.  
It wasn’t until 3:00 that he couldn’t sit still anymore. He arranged his bears on the couch once, with Suzuki, his biggest, in the middle, and then on the end, and then on the side, and the other bears in the middle. He began to pace, and continued to do this until 3:10, when he considered taking another shower, but feared that he might sweat it out before left, so he decided to wait. Akihiko put away his dishes and wiped down every surface in his living room, which used up a sufficient amount of time and allowed him to leave the house at a reasonable time, 3:30.

The man arrived at the coffee shop at 3:45, after waiting in his car for 5 minutes because of embarrassment and last looks. He checked his hair and his teeth one last time as he sat in the booth and jiggled his leg impatiently. Akihiko glanced at the clock on the wall. He was way too early. This was sad, pathetic. He hadn’t even told Misaki that his job might keep him, or that he had things to do today. He’d simply agreed to the time and met there, like dog might wait for its owner.  
He had waited for 10 minutes when Misaki arrived. Akihiko had been sitting with his face to the door, so that he wouldn’t miss the young man when he walked in. It was clear that he needn’t have worried, because he wouldn’t have missed him anyway. When the door chime rang, and the young man walked in, it was as if the entire cafe took a breath in. Or at least that’s what it felt like to the man who sat captivated in his booth. 

Misaki Takahashi was not tall, by any means. He had said that he was only 5’5, and that he’d had a 2 inch growth spurt last summer. His messy brown hair, which hung to his shoulders in the profile picture online, was in a messy half bun on his head now. A pen stuck out of his hair on one side. He wore dark jeans, a blue sweatshirt, and red sneakers. The boy’s wide, round eyes were a darker green as he scanned the coffee shop, looking for his date. Akihiko felt the man’s eye land on him, and he immediately raised a hand in recognition. Misaki smiled just the slightest bit, his lips turning up in a soft curve. He raised a hand back and Akihiko lowered his right away. Misaki’s wave seemed so cool and young, while when he had done the gesture, he felt self-conscious and old.   
Misaki came towards the table, his steps assured and his body movements fluid. Instead of the backpack that most college students seemed to carry around, Misaki had a messenger bag strapped over his right shoulder, with the large bag bumping against his left hip. Akihiko wanted to stare at his legs, which were outlined well in his fitted jeans that tapered down to the ankle. Akihiko wanted to stare, but kept his eyes focused squarely on Misaki’s, the safe zone. He couldn’t let his gaze fall any lower.  
Misaki skipped the last few steps to the booth and raised his arms in a hug, his mouth an even wider curve. As Akihiko wrapped his arms around the boy, he felt as though he’d made some sort of promise to him, a promise to try, to work to keep him, as though with this touch, he had made Misaki his...

Misaki pulled back first, but didn’t pull away. “Hi,” He said, laughing. His eyes crinkled when he laughed, and he had a dimple in his right cheek, Akihiko noted. Misaki let his hands rest on Akihiko’s forearms, and slid them down to hold his hands. The older man held back a shudder, and felt as though he were unfocused and prone to a fainting spell at any moment. Misaki looked down suddenly, only to drag his eyes up Akihiko’s body, stopping at his stomach, until they made eye contact again. Misaki blinked and looked at him through dark, thick lashes. “It’s really good to finally meet you.” He said, his voice as soft and breathy as it had been on the phone, albeit a bit higher than he remembered.   
“And you.” Akihiko rumbled in reply. A flush came to Misaki’s cheeks, as the boy seemed suddenly embarrassed. It was an adorable reaction and made Akihiko draw him into his arms once more, encircling his waist in his arms. Misaki made a small sound against him and hugged him tightly back. When he set the young man back onto the ground, it seemed as though the entire shop breathed a sigh of relief, as though the universe was correct, and these men were doing exactly what they were meant to do.  
Misaki sat across from Akihiko, setting his bag onto the ground. Akihiko waved for a waiter, feeling awkward again, and took the time to appreciate Misaki’s aesthetic qualities more fully now that the man was sitting in front of him. His skin was smooth and shiny with no trace of acne, save for a small zit near the side of his nose. He obviously shaped his eyebrows, which was normal for most gay men his age. Misaki drummed his fingers on the table as he looked Akihiko up and down as well. His nails were medium length, long enough to buff and paint with clear coat, but not so long as to look overly feminine. Misaki seemed to like his masculinity.   
His hair, a deep chocolate brown, appeared stick straight in the places where it was not captured by the bun. His wide, round eyes weren’t just green, Akihiko noted. They had flecks of hazel in them, with darker green that circled the pupil. His long eyelashes may have been lengthened with the use of mascara, but Akihiko could neither tell nor did he care. Misaki’s lips were dark pink, as if he’d either been sucking on some lollipop that dyed them, or he used a lip stain. Akihiko hoped it wasn’t natural, since there had to be something to take away from his perfection.

Misaki drew away from the table, and ran his hands along the edge on his side. He smiled at the older man, and Akihiko blushed under the attention. “You like what you see, huh?” He said to break the awkward silence. Misaki laughed. He didn’t sound condescending or sarcastic, just happy to be with him. It was refreshing.  
Misaki checked the specials, looked at the drink menu, and then looked at the specials again. Akihiko watched him shamelessly, simply happy to be on an actual date with another man. When he looked down to check his own menu, he glanced up just in time to see Misaki staring at him too, just before quickly shifting his gaze back to his own meal options. The silver haired man felt a warmth spread in his stomach as he watched the pink blush climb into Misaki’s neck. 

“So,” He started nervously, “what kind of classes are you taking right now?”  
As if he’d been waiting for an excuse, Misaki snapped his menu shut and turned toward him with a toothy grin, gushing about some writing exercise that he’d done in class to help his English. It was as if they had been dating for their entire lives and they talked easily. At some point a waitress set down two water glasses next to them, but they paid her no mind.

“I guess I just think that men should have their own version of a thong, so that they don’t have to go buy them from women’s shops. It’s embarrassing.” Misaki said, waving one hand about to emphasize his point. Akihiko chuckled and then responded thoughtfully.  
“But men also have super comfortable boxers, and if men had thongs, they wouldn’t fit over our balls. They’d be even more uncomfortable than they are on women.” Misaki smiled at that, and Akihiko took the chance to place his hand over the younger man’s. Big green eyes met his, and another blush rose to his face. He blinked rapidly and turned his hand over to intertwine their fingers. Akihiko’s heart began to beat even faster, and at this moment, a smiley and annoyingly perky waitress decided to bounce over to their table.

“Hey there! You guys ready to order?” Misaki stared at her and Akihiko mentally cursed her. He put on his fake ‘publicity’ smile, the one that he used at book signings and award nights, and responded with his order. Misaki looked at him, bewildered, as he also recited the order for the young man.  
When the waitress left, Misaki gave him the biggest smile he’d seen out of the young man, and Akihiko almost told him that he loved him. “How did you know what I wanted? I didn’t even tell you...” He said shyly, shrinking away from the table and pulling his fingers away from Akihiko’s.   
“You’ve been staring at the same thing for 10 minutes. I could tell.” Akihiko responded, and curled his fingers around Misaki’s once more. Misaki looked at their hands and batted his long eyelashes at him.

“I like you.” Misaki said during their meal, interrupting Akihiko’s story about his hike in the Carribean. When Akihiko stared at him he blushed and looked down at his plate. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, his voice coming out breathless and oozing sensuality. “I just-I don’t know. I was thinking about it and-well, I mean I was listening but I also was-”  
Akihiko threw his napkin onto the table and quickly moved into Misaki’s side of the booth, sliding in next to him. The boy’s hands trembled slightly as he took them into his own, and as Misaki opened his mouth to protest again, he leaned in and kissed him hard on the mouth. Misaki made a surprised sound against his lips, but kissed him back with just as much ferocity. Akihiko pulled back and kissed him softly but rapidly on his mouth, and then once on the cheek. Misaki sighed into his mouth, and even though they tasted like rice and curry and eggs, Akihiko felt his cock twitch, as if remembering the moans from last night.   
Misaki pulled away first, gasping softly, and breathing out hard. Akihiko leaned their heads together, watching him breathe and giggle. He giggled again, and glanced at the wall behind Akihiko. Suddenly his face contorted in surprise and fear and he pulled back immediately.

“Shit, I’ve got to go, I totally forgot that I had to leave around this time.” He babbled, grabbing his wallet from his bag beside him. “I have to work at 5:15 and you know how traffic is in this city, I’m totally gonna be late!” Misaki’s eyes welled up with tears as he tried to count up his meal, at the same time trying to flag down their waitress for the bill.   
“Misaki-” Akihiko started, but the boy was ignoring him, flailing his arms and almost getting hysterical. He grabbed his arms, pulling Misaki down to look at him. “You’ll get there on time. I’ll pay, you go. Now.” Misaki stared at him as though he were some sort of angel sitting across from him, and then grabbed his bag and his wallet and stood to leave. Before walking away, however, Misaki grabbed Akihiko by the sides of his face mashed their lips together, kissing him recklessly and with no abandon. It was all that the other man could do but to hold on to the seat and will his erection away.   
“Thank you so, so much, Akihiko! I promise I’ll pay you back.” Misaki whispered into his ear before hurrying out the door. Akihiko watched him leave, his round butt jiggling in his jeans as he ran.

He’d gone home alone, but Usami Akihiko was far from disappointed when he showered that night. Misaki texted him at about 6, apologizing again for leaving so abruptly, and asking if Akihiko would like to meet him for dinner the next day. He had to work in the afternoon, and then had Saturday completely free. Akihiko was flattered by what the invitation implied, that Misaki wanted to spend all day with him, and not only that, but to spend the night too. He felt butterflies in his stomach and thought about what he should wear, what he should say.  
After a cleansing shower and some TV, he went to bed happier than he’d been a long time.

Friday was grocery day at the Usami house. It always had been, and always would. He shopped alone, as he usually did, picking out usually foods that could be cooked quickly and efficiently. It wasn’t until Akihiko was halfway through the checkout line that he suddenly realized that if Misaki decided to stay over that night, he’d probably want to eat breakfast the next morning. Which meant that Akihiko would need to cook. Which meant that he would need eggs, and bread, and other breakfast staples. He rushed from the line, trying not to run over a mother and her son on his way, and ran about the store trying to acquire ingredients.   
It wasn’t until 2 hours later that Akihiko had found everything he might need, from peppers and olives and onions for omelettes, to pancake mix, chocolate chips, and strawberries, in case Misaki wanted pancakes or waffles. Most of the utensils and kitchen supplies at his home had gone unused until now, but damn it if Akihiko wouldn’t try to make food for the younger man. By the time that Akihiko stopped by McDonald’s for lunch, it was already 12:15.  
Aikawa had called him three times that day. “What’s gotten into you?” She demanded. “This is amazing, and it’s the first draft! I’m only about a third through, but I’m marking it up as much as I can.” He could hear her pride through the phone. “If you continue to work hard, so will I. I’ll try to edit it as fast as I can.”  
After she pestered him again about his sudden inspiration, he indulged in some small gossip, simply telling her about the angel that he’d seen the other day, the reason why the words had poured out of him so easily. “I don’t know if we’ll stay together, honestly. I think we might be moving kind of fast.”   
“Nonsense. Who wouldn’t want to go fast with you? I would, if you swung that way and I was attracted to you.” Aikawa teased him, and Akihiko almost hung up on her. Hiroki also called later that day.  
“So he’s real real?”  
“Yes.”  
“And how is his head?”  
“It’s fine- He’s fine. We’ve barely met, could you please just listen to me??”   
Hiroki laughed at him too hard, but agreed to hear him out. “I’m just afraid of how things could go, you know? I could go too fast and push him.”  
“You could. But it sounds like this kid is okay with fast. And besides, you’re a firework, remember? People love you, they want to see you.”  
Akihiko snorted at that. “I’m a firework, alright. I move too fast and all I want is sex.” He sniffed and took a drag of his cigarette. “Nothing will be different with me and Misaki. I like him, but we’re going to start out like fire and fizzle out, like we always do, like the fireworks we are.”  
“Usami-san?” Came Hiroki’s small voice. “No offense intended, but somehow I sincerely doubt the validity of that statement.”  
Akihiko groaned and flopped onto the bed behind him. “I think I love him.”  
“You just met him.”  
“But- it’s like when Nowaki met you, he knew you were the one.”  
“Nowaki is an idiot.”  
They both laughed, but Akihiko thought about the truth of what he’d just confessed. Misaki was capturing him, tying him up like a string around his perfect little finger. It was then that he knew he was pretty much fucked.


	4. Akihiko: Enigma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki is much different than other men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was brought to you by two different versions of “A Thousand Miles”. One was a cover by Ronan Parke, and the other was Vanessa Carlton’s acoustic live version.

_“Basically what I’m saying is that I want you to fuck me.”_

_“That’s crude.”_

_“Please? I’ll beg on my knees if you want. I want this._

_I want you.”_

 

........................................................................................................................................ 

The day was moving too slowly for Akihiko’s liking. He wanted the clock to hit 5 already, so that he’d be able to wash up and leave at 5:30 and meet Misaki at the restaurant by 6. Akihiko glanced up at the clock again. It was 3:00.

            With a deep sigh, Akihiko clicked on some random link on his laptop. Isaka had emailed it to him, so of course it was just some dirty yaoi site that seemed to feature schoolboys, but only drawings. Feeling himself chub up, he tugged absentmindedly at his pants and scrolled through the feed. One image in particular caught his eye, and he clicked on the series.

            It was a young man, around 18 or 19, with dark hair and huge eyes. He was being held down by his... teacher? What was this? Looking closer, Akihiko saw many similarities to Misaki, the thin legs, the shoulder length hair, the wide, wary eyes. He swallowed, and was soon harder than he had predicted he would be. _Oh, Misaki...._

            4:00 had come and gone by the time Akihiko had finished helping himself, and he spent the next hour lounging in bed and thinking of what to wear. At 4:45, he’d taken a shower, and by 5:30, Usami Akihiko was ready to go.

            As he drove to the restaurant, he thought back to the comic that had caused him to jerk off for a solid hour, and how the teen in it had been thrown roughly about the table and accepted his fate, being taken by the older man. Akihiko’s pants tightened again as he thought about how Misaki might react if he tried that on him. How those gorgeous eyes would widen as he cupped him and forced him down onto the bed, how he would protest and moan under his kisses, how Misaki would begin to drown in pleasure even as he pleaded....

            He had to wait for a solid four minutes before entering the restaurant, but when he did, he could see Misaki sitting at a table set for two in the corner. The hostess at the front took his name and escorted him to there, smiling the entire way.

            Misaki was examining the menu at length, one eyebrow cocked higher than the other. His eyes were low on the page, and his eyelashes seemed to barely touch his pink cheeks as he read. Misaki’s hair was down today, and hung in soft waves. He must have curled in or something, seeing as it was usually stick straight. The waitress pulled out his seat for him, which was a nice surprise, and Misaki jolted up in surprise, his mouth open in an attractive ‘o’. He smiled and reached across the table to take Akihiko’s hand. The waitress waited for a moment in politeness before going into her spiel.

            “Good evening, sirs, my name is Jennifer and I will be your waitress tonight. Would you like some drinks to start off tonight?” Akihiko glanced over at Misaki. He knew that the younger man couldn’t drink, so he wouldn’t either.

            “I’ll take just a strawberry lemonade, please.” He said, smiling at the beauty across from him.

            Misaki turned red under the candlelight and Akihiko’s gaze, and his grip tightened. He spoke softly to Jennifer, “Could I get a water and a pink grapefruit and pomegranate soda?” She nodded and smiled to both of them.

            “Of course. I’ll go and get both of those drinks for you. If you need me for anything,” She leaned forward and tapped the small screen on the table, which displayed a small button. A little pack on her belt buzzed accordingly. “Just tap this and I’ll know to come and check on you guys.” They both nodded. “And may I just say, you two are a lovely couple.” Misaki blushed and Akihiko grinned proudly. Jennifer bowed and moved gracefully away.

            Finally alone, Akihiko turned his attention to his angel. Misaki looked at him, his lips red stained again and so kissable. They were sitting there like adorable little rose petals, plump and luscious, his for the picking. So he did.

            Akihiko stood from his side and leaned over to kiss Misaki squarely on the lips, feeling the man’s body against him. Misaki raised a hand to Akihiko’s shoulder and kissed him harder. He made a small moan into Akihiko’s mouth, and the other man wanted to take him right there. It was so hard to resist touching him more and more, but they were doing inappropriate things in this restaurant, where other patrons were definitely watching them by now.

            Akihiko pulled away reluctantly and stifled a groan at the sight. Misaki’s eyes were closed, his lips puckered and just slightly apart. He opened his eyes slowly, and focused his gaze on Akihiko. Misaki blinked, and then his face broke into a soft, smoldering smile.

            During this time, their drinks had somehow come to their table silently and swiftly. Akihiko could see Jennifer grinning at another table, and she’d obviously been very careful not to disturb them. Together, the men took their time deciding on entrees, to which Misaki had said, “I’m paying for everything. I mean it. I like you, and you paid for me yesterday. Let me.”

            Of course Akihiko had laughed and told him that was unnecessary, but the younger man was so determined, it was actually quite cute. Eventually the author had confessed, “Misaki, I’m quite wealthy. I can easily pay for this meal.” When Misaki had opened his mouth to protest, he continued, “Misa-kun, I make enough in a day to pay your rent for a month. And I’m not exaggerating, nor do I say that to be offensive.” Misaki stared at him with that comment, and simply stated, in that case, he was ordering whatever the fuck he wanted. It was hilarious and lovable at the same time.

            After calling Jennifer over again and ordering, Misaki told Akihiko about his day and listened to Akihiko’s as well. He asked about his writing, almost trying to pry to learn more, but Akihiko kept his questions at bay. “Just know that I’m more successful than E.L. James, sans the movie. My books are also less offensive, believe me.” Misaki laughed at him, and rested his head on his hand as Akihiko described his latest book. He giggled at the right times, he gasped when appropriate, and he kept running his fingers over the older man’s hand, which was at the same time exhilarating and distracting.

            When their food arrived, Misaki dug in like a homeless person who’d been given their first meal. Akihiko ate slower, watching Misaki with happiness and slight apprehensiveness. Maybe the man was just hungry today. Misaki suddenly noticed Akihiko’s stare and slowed himself. He lowered his eyes and cut into his steak at a much slower rate than before.

            “I’m sorry,” he said softly, clearly embarrassed at his excitement. “It’s been a while since I had really good food. I was just excited.” He blinked rapidly and took a long drink from his water glass.

            Akihiko thought that he might be more embarrassed than Misaki, and quickly tried to reassure him that he was fine. “I’m just happy that you’re eating, Misa-kun.” Misaki smiled at him, and it was quiet and unassuming, a smile just for him.

            After their dinner, Akihiko led Misaki out to his car. “Do- do you need a ride somewhere?” He asked awkwardly, not wanting to let the man leave his sight. Misaki bounced on his toes a bit and then swayed back and forth, letting his arms swing at his sides.

            “Let’s go drive somewhere. It’s not late at all. I mean, we ate for 2 hours, but that’s cool, right?” His brows furrowed. “Do you think that was rude? Maybe I should go add 1230 yen to our tip-” Misaki moved toward the restaurant, but Akihiko held him fast by his arm.

            “I think the 4910 that you made me leave for Jennifer was enough, babe.” He said, grinning tightly. It was definitely enough. Jennifer’s tip had been almost 80% of their meal. Misaki had watched her receive it through the window and grinned when she saw her tip and almost squealed.

            Misaki smiled at him now, and giggled. “Let’s go be rebels.” He rushed to the red sportscar and tugged on the door handle. Akihiko watched him, amused and entranced at the same time. Misaki raised an eyebrow at him expectantly. “You need to open the door for me to enter the vehicle, Usami Akihiko, sir.” He said with mock annoyance, rolling his eyes at the older man. Akihiko opened the door as requested, and Misaki told him to drive in a direction, any direction, as he complied.

            As they travelled the dark streets of the city, Akihiko made up stories about the people on the sidewalks, and Misaki added his own little quips.

            “That’s Bertha.” Akihiko droned, as Misaki shrieked beside him. “She moved here from America to get a better life, away from the gays and the feminists.”

            “Yeah, and now she roams the streets, warning all of the homeless people to stay away from America, no matter what they do. ‘There are all sorts of people there, gays, blacks, indians, dumb asians. No, not you guys. They only send the bad ones.’ ” Akihiko guffawed and shook his head.

            “That’s terrible. She’s probably a soup kitchen worker delivering blanket and food to the poor.” Misaki shrugged his shoulders.

            “It’s not my fault she’s also a racist homophobe.” He said, grinning at Akihiko. He laid his head onto Akihiko’s shoulder and blinked up at him. “Can we go to the lake? Please?” He batted his long lashes again, as if he knew what would happen.

            Akihiko sighed and, keeping his eyes on the road, kissed the man on the forehead.

            The lake was most quiet, only holding a few straggling teenagers playing games in the dark and a couple with their dog. It was 8:00 on a Friday, a cool beach was not the place to be. Misaki unwrapped his scarf from his neck and flung it behind him, where it hit Akihiko in the face. He then ran out into the sand and spun around in it, as though he were a child again. He looked to Akihiko and beckoned to him with a small index finger. Akihiko came, as though under a spell. Misaki laughed and met him halfway, wrapping his thin arms around the older man’s neck. He kissed him, slowly and sensually, letting their bodies come closer, until they were pressed right up against each other. Akihiko kissed him back, letting his hand sit at the small of Misaki’s back and the other carding through his hair. Misaki smiled against him and pushed him onto the grass behind them. He laid on the author’s chest and sighed. Akihiko rubbed his back and smiled at the stars.

            “Hey, since you’re such a great author, tell me a story, right now.” Misaki mumbled into his chest.

            Akihiko thought to himself and then grinned to nobody. “Once upon a time, there were two lovers. One was tall and graceful, the other strong but shy.They loved each other, and pledged to love each other until the end of the world. When they died, the great creator took their hearts and cut them up into little stars, and scattered them among the stars. They were together forever, and love each other to this very day.” He said to Misaki’s head.

            Misaki looked at him, confused. “Did you just make that up?” He asked suspiciously.

            Akihiko shrugged. “I sort of just wove together Tanabata with part of Juliet’s first monologue in Romeo and Juliet.” He said sheepishly.

            “Ha. Wove it.” Misaki said. “That was a pun.” Akihiko ruffled his hair and they stood to go back to the car.

            Before they’d even made it, Misaki had jumped onto Akihiko’s back and rubbed his face into the man’s neck. “Hi.” He sighed into his ear, and Akihiko felt the first tendrils of arousal curling in his stomach. As if he could sense this, Misaki practically moaned into his ear, “I’m really tired, could I stay at your house tonight?” _Oh Misa-kun, just wait until we get there...._

            On the way over, Misaki kept sighing and yawning in the seat next to him. He smiled up at Akihiko whenever he looked over, but offered no explanation.

“You’re so... different.” Akihiko said to the windshield. “You scare me sometimes, you know that?”

Misaki smiled at him and pushed his lips out to the sexiest pout Akihiko had ever seen. “And why would I scare you?” He said. His tone surprised the older man, and when Akihiko looked over at him, he was sitting correctly in his seat, staring straight forward with a blank expression on his face.

“I-I don’t know. You seem bipolar, or maybe unstable.” He chuckled nervously, wanting happy Misaki back.

Misaki’s lips twisted to one side and he looked out of his window. Akihiko couldn’t see his face as he responded, “I promise you that I’m not bipolar.”

When they arrived at Akihiko’s apartment, Misaki’s brooding spell seemed to be over. He bounded up the steps and then stood waiting for Akihiko in a mock salute. When Akihiko let in and nodded to the night guard, Misaki was holding his hand. As they waited in the elevator, Misaki danced to no music, moving his hips like a snake. In the hallway to his apartment, he swung their hands back and forth like a child. Misaki was an enigma, a constantly changing book. _Perhaps he is bipolar_ , Akihiko thought to himself.

Finally inside the apartment, with the door locked behind them, Misaki surveyed the place and nodded approvingly. He turned to Akihiko with a toothy grin and bright, shining eyes. “So, what do you want to do now?” He asked, the excitement obvious in his voice.

Akihiko pounced. He covered Misaki’s mouth with his own and pushed him into the living room. Misaki tried to speak underneath him, but his words were drowned out by their tongues moving against each other. Misaki moaned into the kiss and dropped his bag onto the ground. Akihiko took this moment to push the man onto the couch and straddle him. Misaki pushed against him, but Akihiko pinned both of his hands above his head and continued to kiss him. He broke the kiss to pepper Misaki’s neck and lifted his shirt from his stomach.

“Akihiko- Can you- let’s slow down- Akihiko-” Misaki panted, his back arching into the other man’s caresses.

Akihiko held Misaki’s wrists in one fist and shoved his hand into the trembling man’s pants. “I don’t want to slow down, Misa-kun.” He whispered into Misaki’s ear. “I’ve got you right where I want you.” He felt Misaki’s bulge through his underwear and began to suck on his neck.

“Please- I don’t want this yet. Akihiko, I don’t- stop, please,” Misaki pleaded, but Akihiko kissed his forehead and his lips, over and over again. His fingers curled over Misaki’s underwear, and the man’s eyes widened.

“I know you like that, don’t you, Misa-kun?” He murmured into Misaki’s neck, moving two fingers underneath the fabric. Misaki stopped squirming and froze. “That’s right, there you go,” Akihiko smirked at the man beneath him, feeling the warm organ against his cold hand. “You like-”

Misaki raised his knee into Akihiko’s stomach with a small grunt. Akihiko immediately released his hands and removed his fingers from the boy’s pants. “Ow, Misaki, what the fuck?” He said angrily. “That fucking hu-” Suddenly, a sharp pain came to his left eye and Akihiko saw stars. Gripping the side of his head, he felt a kick to his side, and he tumbled off of the couch ungracefully and just missed cracking his head open on the corner of the coffee table. Letting out a shuddery breath, he looked up just in time to see Misaki scrambling to grab his bag from the floor and sprinting for the door, sparing only one frightened glance behind him.

“Shit!” Akihiko bolted for him and blocked the front door. “Wait- I’m sorry, I-I thought-”

“Let me OUT!” Misaki screamed. He backed away from the author, sobbing and frightened. His eyes darted around the apartment and he hyperventilated as if he were a caged animal. Akihiko reached out for him and the man jerked away as though he’d been burned.

“Please...” Misaki said, suddenly exhausted from his crying and his fighting. “Don’t rape me. I’ll do anything else you want, just don’t- don’t rape me.” He continued to sob as he clutched his satchel to his chest, panting heavily.

“Misaki,” Akihiko started. His eye continued to throb, and his side wasn’t feeling so hot either. He continued. “I’m sorry, I thought that you liked it.” Misaki backed away even further, shaking his head. “I did! I’m so sorry, so so sorry, Misa. Please believe me, I would never do something like that, ever, Misaki.”

Misaki sniffled, and stood up a little straighter. “So you thought that when I told you to stop and said I didn’t want to do it yet, I really wanted you to keep going?” He said incredulously. Ashamed, Akihiko nodded and hung his head, feeling his hands itching by his sides.

Misaki stood in front of him, silently fuming and contemplating. He turned his gaze to Akihiko’s. “I could sue you, you know.” He said nonchalantly. Akihiko felt his heart drop. His heartbeat sped up as he watched Misaki’s face change. “I could sue you for all that you own. You just tried to RAPE me. I mean, what the HELL?” Misaki shouted. “I can’t believe that I was falling for you...” Misaki’s eyes welled up again and he wiped at his nose.

“I was falling for you too! I wanted you to want me, that’s all. I promise.” Akihiko pleaded, stretching his hands out in front of him. Misaki looked up at him, staring straight into his eyes and, Akihiko imagined, into his soul.

Their hands met, and Akihiko wasn’t sure who moved first, but they were embracing in 3 seconds. “I’m so sorry, Misaki.” He whispered into the man’s ear, but Misaki only nodded and held him.

After a few minutes, Misaki pulled away and quietly asked to go wash up. Akihiko let him, relieved that he would still stay the night, and watched the man stride up his stairs to the bathroom. Somehow, he found it without asking for directions.

 


	5. Akihiko: Breakfast and a Rabbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Akihiko realizes that he knows nothing. He knows absolutely nothing at all.

_“It’s not normal, as in it’s not a normal relationship. Something is off, Usami. Something is weird.”_

 

_“It’s perfect.”_

 .............................................................................................................................................................................

Usami Akihiko sat on his couch, smoking his third cigarette, and exhaled slowly, watching the smoke leave through his nostrils and float out into the already smoky living room. He had disabled the smoke detectors, wanting to simply smoke his stress away. Misaki clanked away in the bathroom, maybe changing into some more comfortable clothes, or planning his getaway. Akihiko didn’t know at this point. He sucked more smoke from the stick in his hands, and blew it out again, letting the tendrils drift up into his nose again.

            “What the hell, it’s so _gray_ in here,” Misaki said from behind him. Akihiko turned quickly. The man was walking down the stairs, dressed in gym shorts and a loose tank top. His brown hair was up in a messy bun on his head and through the smoke, he looked like something ethereal, some sort of a god. Misaki waved his hand in front of his face, grimacing. “It smells like an ashtray.” He said with disdain. “Your profile didn’t say that you were a smoker.”

            Akihiko quickly put out the cigarette that he was holding and stood. It was an awkward choice, because as soon as he stood, Misaki had slumped down into the chair across from him and had given him a strange look. “What are you doing?” He asked, almost laughing. The author sat down as if some hand had shoved him into the couch, and willed himself not to turn red.

            “Misaki, I-”

            “Your apartment is so huge.” Misaki interrupted him, his eyes bright and his smile too big. Akihiko blinked at the sudden words and slowly nodded, going along with it.

            “Um, yeah. Yeah it is. I told you that I was more famous than E.L. James.” He joked. Misaki giggled, delicately hiding his mouth behind his hand and smiled at him.

            “I really thought that you were exaggerating about that.” He admitted sheepishly. Akihiko’s mouth dropped open and Misaki rushed to explain himself, a huge sloppy grin on his face. “I thought you wanted to sound cool, like you were actually CEO of a company or something. But you wanted to sound young and hip so you were all, ‘Oh yeah, I write exotic books for men. No big deal,’ but in real life you had so much money that you could afford to lie about it. Like you were a fake new hipster, like one of those guys who sits in the corner of a coffee shop all day, writing the next great British novel.”

Misaki stopped, and Akihiko was already laughing. He held his stomach and shook his head, but Misaki continued, “And they drink overpriced coffee and eat 100 calorie snacks and they _love_ it and they talk about all the ‘YA authors’ and they’re all, ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ is _NOT_ the voice of a generation, it’s misogynist _bullshit,_ read all about it on my _blog_ ,” Misaki finished, contorting his face to fit that of his proposed archetype.

Misaki laughed along with Akihiko, who caught his breath and retorted, “Well, those guys do have a point. John Green does _kind of_ take advantage of a real disease that claims thousands of people each year, and he wraps it in the cloudy haze of young love and loss. And beautiful language.” Akihiko added, after seeing Misaki’s mouth hanging wide open.

“Um, John Green is a masterpiece and he’s basically one of the ONLY American authors that I read, so haha.” He said, crossing his arms and slouching into the chair, crossing his legs as he went. “I think he’s really good with words.”

Akihiko shrugged. “I bet you also liked Paper Towns, didn’t you?” Misaki nodded in turn. “Where the boy falls in love with the magical girl, even though he barely knows her, he just sees her being all lovely and mystical. Like every other book ever? Hello, _Stargirl_ and _Bridge to Terabithia_?” Misaki laughed and rose from the chair, tackling him on the couch.

            He kissed the older man into the cushions until they both needed air, and Misaki asked, “Isn’t that sort of how you see me?”

            “Isn’t how...I mean what...How I see you?” Akihiko asked, still dizzy from kissing the other.

            Misaki sat back on his haunches, watching him closely. “Like some sort of creature, like I’m a mystery that you’ll never figure out.” Akihiko stared at him, gaping. He didn’t know how to respond, because the kid was spot-on. Misaki cocked his head to the side, resembling a puppy. “Because I’m not. I’m Misaki.” He grinned cheekily, and rocked on his heels.

            Akihiko ran his hand over his face and nodded. “I do kind of look at you like that. I’m sorry.” He replied, slowly sitting up and placing his feet on the floor. Misaki scooted toward him and placed his head softly on his shoulder. “It’s just- You sort of saved my life, Misa-kun.” Misaki looked up at him, the round face tilted toward his and big green trained on his face, unblinking and unrelenting. Akihiko began to rub his head and Misaki closed his eyes with pleasure.

            “I didn’t really think I mattered, and I’m just sitting here in shock because you’re here too right now, and you’re- I’m sorry, but you’re beautiful and little and also adorable and when I’m around you, I feel like I’m the moon borrowing your light, but it’s okay when it’s with you.” He babbled, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Misaki didn’t move, just sat in the same spot, enjoying his petting. Akihiko took a deep breath and plunged.

            “I’m still sorry about before, Misaki.” Misaki moved with a little ‘mmph’ sound and leaned away from him, frowning. His forehead was scrunched up into a cute little ‘v’ as he scowled. Akihiko pushed on. “I wasn’t going to do anything, really. I just- I just like you. And I assumed you would like me, but you might not, so that’s a bit... um. Disheartening.” Akihiko said. Misaki was still silent, his mouth pressing into a thin line.

            “Did something happen when you were young, like, some sort of abuse, or...”

            “Why did I need to have been abused for you to understand that no means no?” Misaki asked bluntly, and snorted, more out of sarcasm than amusement. Akihiko’s face reddened and he looked at his socks. “I was, but that has nothing to do with it.”

            The silver haired man whipped his head toward the beauty, who was examining his cuticles. “You were? What? By who?”

            Misaki sighed and locked eyes with the other. Finally he stood and stretched, raising his hands over his head and arching his back. His shirt rose a bit and he rubbed his stomach as he said, “Let’s go outside. It’s so smoky in here that I can hardly breathe.” Akihiko followed him, and wrapped them in two blankets as they sat on the terrace, close to each other but not touching.

            Misaki looked out at the city and blinked at the lights. “It’s a nice view,” Akihiko offered, and the boy nodded. He turned toward him and inhaled.

            “It was most of my childhood. Until I came out, actually, when I was 13.” He said, staring right into Akihiko’s eyes.

            “Who?” Misaki sighed, like he was telling a story that had a bad ending, but didn’t want to share.

            “It was my brother.” He said. Akihiko’s eyes widened. Misaki shook his head and sniffled. “I just- he started touching me when we were young, and he said he was just curious, but then my parents died and I- I was the reason.” Akihiko couldn’t do anything but listen, clutching his blanket closer to him and wondering how to react. Misaki continued, looking past him, over his shoulder.

            “He raped me when I was 12. I guess technically, molested me, because he didn’t use his, you know, but he touched me too much anyway.” Misaki shook his head again. “That sounds so bad. I mean, it was worse than before. He wanted to sleep with me and was trying to see if I could handle it. He kept doing it and I finally told him that I was gay.” Misaki laughed to himself.

            “It’s ironic, as soon as I say that, he stops.” Misaki looked at his hands, sniffling quite a bit now, and Akihiko didn’t know how to stop him, so he did nothing, watching the young man shrink into his blanket and cry. “I would have decided a lot sooner if I had known that he would start hating me afterward.” He whispered.

            Misaki wiped his eyes onto his blanket and began to sob. “I’m sorry,” He said softly. “I know this isn’t what you probably expected. I don’t mean to be such a burden.”

            Akihiko had had it at those words. He grabbed the young man into his arms and kissed him softly, holding onto his chin as he did. Misaki stopped crying and kissed him back, mostly out of surprise. After they parted, Misaki stared at him and hiccuped. Akihiko felt his lips twitch.

            “You stopped crying.” He whispered, and Misaki snuggled against him, burying his head into the man’s chest.

            It was another half an hour before he heard soft snores and realized that Misaki was drooling on him, and he must have dozed off as well. Akihiko grabbed up Misaki into his arms and carried him up the stairs. For all the food he ate, the boy was surprisingly light. Akihiko deposited him easily onto his bed, and wrapped the blankets around him. Wrapping his arms around Misaki’s body and pressing his nose into the man’s soft neck, he allowed himself to drift slowly off into slumber.

 

            The next morning, Akihiko woke up to an empty bed. For a moment, he was disappointed, and all of their conversations from the night before ran through his mind. It wasn’t until the smell of bacon and eggs wafted into the bedroom that he realized that he hadn’t been left alone. Throwing the blankets off of him and slipping on his house slippers, the 30-year old rushed downstairs to meet Misaki, who was dancing to a song that played from a small speaker. He was spinning with his eyes closed and his arms out at his sides, his lips parted just the slightest bit. Akihiko leaned on the counter, content to watch the man turn and twist as the soft song continued to play. Misaki opened his mouth as though he were going to sing along, and saw Akihiko sitting there.

            “Oh.” He gasped. He stopped suddenly, his hands behind his back and his ears turning red. “I didn’t see you there.” His eyes darted away from Akihiko’s, but he dragged them slowly back. “Do you listen to the Hearsays?” He asked.

            “No,” Akihiko replied, “But I don’t listen to much music.”

            “This is ‘A Little Bird Told Me’. I think it’s their best song, but that’s just my opinion, I guess.” Misaki said, adding the last part a bit sheepishly.

            Akihiko raised an eyebrow and smiled at the man. “I concur.”

            Misaki turned toward the fridge and pulled out two plates with fruit salad on them, and two glasses of orange juice. “You have so much food,” He gushed, pulling out more items and transporting them to the dining table. “I mean, so much food. I almost made waffles, but decided to make tarts instead. I’m better at those.” He set the plates down and admired his handiwork. He then looked to Akihiko for approval. “What do you think?” Came the shy question.

            Akihiko felt special, as though very few were chosen for that inquiry, and looked at the presentation. On one plate was a bowl of fruit salad, some jelly, and toast. On another plate was a tart, some eggs, and some little green leaves. He looked at the entire spread, and then up to Misaki’s face. “I can’t cook.” Was his response.

            Misaki’s brow furrowed in disappointment, but he brightened a moment later. “I can cook pretty good.” Akihiko kissed him on the forehead, and it was silently agreed that in their relationship, no matter how long, Misaki would do the cooking for the both of them. The two ate breakfast together, discussing Misaki’s love for indie music and soft rock (“I love the Hearsays, but there aren’t a lot of Japanese indie bands, at least not that I can find. They’re sort of underground. But I hate J-Pop and J-Rock. Actually, I take that back. I love it. But- I- I mean I hate that I love it, because, you know, it's so embarrassing.” Misaki stressed, while chewing on a leaf.)

            After breakfast, Misaki had suggested that they go to the zoo, and they did. Looking ridiculous in their t-shirts and shorts out in public, Misaki and Akihiko held hands and took pictures, laughing the entire way. “I love this,” Akihiko had said at one point, to which Misaki responded, “I love this too.” It was another silent agreement, a promise that they would make on another day, but not their 3rd date. Lunch was sandwiches in the park and Misaki danced to a street musician and bought the older man some artwork. Akihiko took more photos that day than he had for the entire time he’d had his phone.

            That night, after Misaki caught a taxi home, he called Hiroki.

            “It’s officially official. I’m whipped. I love him.” He laughed into the phone, feeling light-headed.

            “You barely met him and he’s 10 years younger than you. Of course you think you love him.” Hiroki responded in a flat voice.

            “Congratulations, Usami-san!” Came Nowaki’s happy exclamation from the background. Nowaki and Hiroki were putting away dishes when Akihiko had called, so he talked to them both over speaker phone.

            “Thank, Nowaki-san. But he’s so cute and he’s impossible to get mad at.”

            Hiroki made a ‘harrumph’ sound. “That’s bad. Run away. Those types will get you roped in.” Nowaki laughed at the joke, which he knew was made at his expense.

            “I’m going to be careful, I promise.” Akihiko said, scanning his email for new alerts. “I’m not going to get hurt this time.”

            After his talk with Hiroki, Akihiko had deleted the dating profile and saw that Misaki’s was still running. It said that he was still active, but the boy had been busy this week, being a student and working as well. He put the question out of his mind and went to sleep with a light heart.

            The next two months went by in a happy and bizarre blur. Hiroki had demanded to meet the young man who had stolen his best friend’s heart, and Misaki had obliged. Their meeting was hilarious, Akihiko thought, as both accused the other of being fake and both had been offended by their assessment. Finally, Misaki had put up his trademark grin and shook Hiroki’s hand in a truce and Hiroki had grumbled something about him being ‘not so bad for a millennial brat.’

            The meeting with Aikawa went much smoother. The woman simply grabbed his cheeks and squeezed as hard as she could, which left Misaki red and adorable. He pouted all the way back to the penthouse and Akihiko kissed him anyway.

            After a month of sending Misaki home each night in a taxi, Akihiko shyly broached the subject of Misaki moving into the penthouse with him. After a tense moment while the man deliberated, he was met with a resounding ‘YES’, and they began to pack Misaki’s things the very next day, following Misaki’s classes.

            They had travelled to Misaki’s apartment together, and pulled out box after box of clothes, books, and shoes. Misaki’s place was small and dirty, like any college kid’s apartment. He didn’t have many items to pack, so it was only 5 boxes that came to the Usami apartment.

Misaki kissed him on the nose that night and told him that he loved everything about them, that their relationship was the best that he’d ever had. Akihiko kissed him back so hard that the boy gasped under him and moaned into his shirt.

            Sex was a topic that no one wanted to talk about yet. It was always too soon, too fresh to ask and then too late in the night for either of them. Akihiko still felt guilty and ashamed for what he had done that first night, and Misaki never seemed to want anything. “Maybe he’s asexual; he only needs your love.” Hiroki suggested.

            It was two months later that the two were sitting in the living room, Misaki eating a small carton of yoghurt and Akihiko sitting on the couch with his glasses, going over his manuscript, that Misaki cleared his throat to get Akihiko’s attention, in a very obvious manner. The author looked at the boy over his glasses, and Misaki was sitting sideways in the chair, watching him with his huge, round eyes.

            “I love you.” Misaki said simply, and shoved a spoonful of yoghurt into his mouth, his face immediately turning a deep shade of red. Akihiko turned red as well, and swallowed nervously.

            “I love you too.” He replied, setting down his papers. Misaki set down his cup as well and came to the couch, sitting cross legged across from the older man. His eyelashes seemed impossibly long as he gazed at the older man from underneath them.

            “I’m in love with everything about you, but I’m never going to tell you.” Misaki breathed, ghosting his hand over Akihiko’s face and smiling dreamily. “I want you to do so many things to me.” His eyes drifted closed and he sighed softly. “So many things.”

            Akihiko’s breath hitched. “I’d do anything with you, Misaki.” He said softly.

            Misaki’s eyes opened and he regarded Akihiko seriously. “Basically what I’m saying is that I want you to fuck me.” He said bluntly.

            Akihiko had no idea how to respond. “That’s crude,” was all that he could muster out, swallowing again under Misaki’s gaze. Misaki kissed his ear, and his breath touched Akihiko’s cheek.

He could feel Misaki’s tongue on his outer ear as he whispered, “Maybe. But that’s what I really want right now.” He pulled away and pouted. “Please?” He leaned forward until they were less than a centimeter apart. “I’ll beg on my knees if you want. I want this.” He kissed the older man chastely. “I want you.” Akihiko had it at that line.

Misaki was on the couch in a second, their lip mashing together and their tongues rolling around together. He kissed the boy into a stupor, and Misaki’s arms encircled the older man. Their bodies rubbed each other, and Misaki’s moans were nearly too much to bear. As the men made their way upstairs, clothing was removed and skin was revealed. Akihiko felt as though he’d never be able to lay with another man again, once he saw Misaki naked and trembling on the bed. He softly kissed the boy from ankle to knee, rubbing him and letting out little breaths against him. Misaki moaned and pulled Akihiko in, doing amazing things with his tongue and his fingers.

“Why didn’t we do this before?” He sighed, as he ran his hands all over the other’s body. Akihiko’s voice was strained and he kissed Misaki instead of replying, because before didn’t matter, none of it mattered. Misaki was here, and he was real, and _fuck yes!_ He was amazing. Akihiko felt pleasure like none before with this man. They finished three times that night, each time ending with Misaki’s shrieks and Akihiko’s grunts.

Misaki lay on the bed, alternating between breathing hard and humming to himself, while Akihiko stroked the boy’s sticky chest with his fingers. “You’re so... fast.” Misaki sighed. Akihiko stopped his ministrations, offended, until Misaki groaned and shook his head. “No, I mean, you’re ready again fast. I love it. You did so much to me, I was...” Misaki raised a hand above his face, fingers splayed as though reaching out toward something in the future, something just within reach, yet just out of it as well. “I was flying. It was amazing.” He smiled lazily, reaching a hand down to his crotch area. “And I’m covered in you.” He smirked.

Akihiko kissed the boy on the forehead and threaded their hands together, pulling Misaki into a lazy war of touch. They laid together like that until the sun went down and the rumbles of their stomachs called them down to eat.

The next morning, when Misaki brought breakfast to him in bed, he watched the boy butter a muffin and pass it to him, babbling about something mundane that his friend had told him in school. Akihiko watched him, and thought of how content he would be, how happy he would be, if every day could be like this. He would spend every day with Misaki, watching him cook or laugh, or clean, or just _be._

It was then that Akihiko thought, for the first time, that this man could be the one.

Misaki, unaware of his inner monologue, kissed him on the lips, a buttery, chocolatey kiss, and threw his head back in laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there. Thanks for sticking with this story. I'm glad to have you here, and please leave a comment and let me know what you think. I appreciate you.


	6. Misaki: Lolita

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is too perfect to ruin with the truth.

_I wish I could die for a noble cause, and I wish I had infinite hope. But I don’t want to be like Gatsby, and I’m not Holden Caulfield. I’m a whore, and I have more in common with Lolita than anyone else._

 

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................

Usagi-san is sleeping. I’ve started to call him that, the old man, and he always makes a huff about it and crosses his arms. He’s a huge child, and it’s obvious in his manner, his apartment, his attitude. He thinks the entire world should bow at his feet, and he becomes angry if they don’t. He treats everyone with contempt and arrogance if they don’t act like he is the saving grace to boys’ love books everywhere. He’s so rude to everyone.

 

Except to me. Never to me.

 

He’s different than the others. I love him, for one thing. But his attitude when it comes to me:

It’s unlike any other relationship that I’ve ever experienced. He treats me like a doll, as if I’m china that might break if he squeezes too hard. He treats others as though I am a precious jewel that someone might steal away from him, even though I constantly remind him of my love for him, and only him. His eyes, oh God, his beautiful eyes. When he looks at me, something softens inside of me, and him, and our embraces are full of love, and also longing. I don’t think he knows what for yet. I know what I want.

 

Usagi makes me feel good, so, so good. When we’re together, I feel like I could do anything with him by my side. I want to kiss his face all day and I want to hold his hand and I want to make love to him whenever he gives me that smile. The one that he only gives me, the one that turns me into a pile of mush. I would do anything he asked, but I won’t ever let him know.

 

I wish he was awake. I’ll make a promise to you, to myself too, right now. If he wakes up before I finish writing this, I’ll come clean. I’ll tell him about why I messaged him first, about the other men, about Hiro-chan. He’s different, he has to understand that. I love him. I love him.

 

Usagi-san is still sleeping. I’m so happy now, yet so terrified. To want someone else to love you is one thing, but to truly be the person they think you are, to be worthy of being loved? It’s something else entirely. He loves me with his whole being, he thinks I’m some angel. If he only knew that I’m the opposite, he’d kick me out, no doubt. He’d never speak to me again, and he would treat me like he treats everyone else.

 

I couldn’t let that happen. I’ve never loved anyone so much before.

 

Usagi-san is waking up now. I can hear him turning, like he always does around this time. He’ll probably come down and fuck me on the table, like yesterday and Tuesday. He’s insatiable, at times.

 

I’m burning this paper. It’s so early that he won’t notice the smell anyway, so this is perfect. The truth is not an option.

 

I love him, and I’m not letting him go.


	7. Akihiko: Latch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misaki sings, Akihiko learns even less than he knew.

_“You’re fucked up.”_

_“I’m beautiful, remember?”_

 

_Misaki is jumping on the couch, and then dancing in the air, spinning like a top and waving his arms like two snakes, totally independent of his body. His hair still holds some curl from the awards show last night, and it’s rising above his head in waves, and landing back down safely when his feet meet the cushions again._

 

_He’s an angel, and I still don’t understand why he doesn’t see this._

_His arms are above him, and his head is thrown back, as though he’s screaming out with the fury of a thousand suns. He’s silent, and his hands cross in the air, fingers splayed. He sinks to his knees and pretends to wave for the crowd. In a moment, Misaki is on his feet again, jumping with his knees close to his chest. He’s only wearing my shirt, the one that I threw onto the floor last night when we finally got back to the loft. I took him last night, so many times. I don’t know how he has so much energy._

_Misaki continues his tuck jumps, and I can see the brown hair from his balls from under his knees, his feet, as he leaps from the couch and does different poses. He stops and takes a modelesque, sensual pose; his legs spread apart, one arm behind his head and one in the air, pointing at the sky._

_“My pussy tastes like PEPSI COLA” He whisper screams, in that god-awful American accent, and my shirt hangs off of him, half-buttoned at the bottom. I can see his balls and the tip of his member peeking out from under the hem of my shirt. He looks like some kind of young male model, absolutely ridiculous and crazy sexy at the same time. I love him. It’s been 4 months already, and I am as head over heels in love with him as I was the moment I saw him. He’s the love of my life. He’s perfect._

Akihiko finished his writing exercise, and watched Misaki dancing in silence. He usually used the computer in his room whenever he wanted to really go in depth with his writing, but Misaki had been twirling around the kitchen in his shirt, so he came downstairs to watch him. It was the correct choice, and Misaki was never one to disappoint. He laughed and moved his hips, obviously enjoying the audience. “Cola” was his favorite song.

“Usagi-san,” Misaki called, bouncing on the couch and landing on his bottom. He scowled, probably at the pain, Akihiko assumed, and then the boy came toward him. He laid his head on the author’s chest and smiled up at him, straddling his lap. Akihiko ran his fingers through Misaki’s hair and kissed his forehead, murmuring soft things to him. Misaki tilted his head up, and Akihiko kissed his lips this 

“Do you want breakfast now? I think the cinnamon rolls are cool enough.” Came Misaki’s soft question. His big green eyes blinked innocently up at the older man, who wanted nothing more to stay here and whisper to him all day, with Misaki’s penis pressed against his pajama pants and the boy’s shivering body close to his. He would take care of Misaki like a child, and love him like an equal. Misaki leaned back, toward the desk, and stretched. His arms cracked softly, and Akihiko saw his stomach peeking out from between the buttons of the shirt. His ballsack still rested against Akihiko’s crotch, tempting him.

“I’m really hungry.” Misaki said nonchalantly, and slipped off of his lap to go into the kitchen, and sat cross legged at the table. Akihiko followed him genially. It was Monday, and Misaki hadn’t had to go into work early this morning, for once. With no classes until 10, he was content to sit around with his boyfriend and make a bigger breakfast than usual. Akihiko appreciated the efforts and enjoyed eating breakfast with Misaki.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you. I’ll be home late tonight, like 8.” Misaki said, slathering more butter to his toast.

Akihiko sipped his coffee, then almost choked because of the heat. “Why?” He asked, swallowing hard. Sunlight streamed into the kitchen and illuminated the dust mites in the air as Akihiko fanned at his tongue. “You don’t have to work.”

Misaki shrugged his shoulders and stuffed toast into his mouth. “My fwiends wanna ‘ang ou’ wit’ me.” Misaki mumbled around his food, and shoveled his eggs in as well. Akihiko regarded him solemnly for a moment, and then sighed. He loved eating dinner with the boy, but if he was busy....

“Okay.” He said, resigned. “At least give me an address to pick you up at.” His reward was Misaki’s brilliant food filled smile, and a text that held the address later that morning. As he dropped the student off in front of the university, Misaki kissed him softly and pinched his nose. Akihiko watched him stroll up to a taller, longer haired young man who was frowning at his phone. At the sight of Misaki, however, he smiled and threw an arm around the teen’s shoulders.

It didn’t bother Akihiko. It really, really didn’t. It didn’t bother him so much that he was able to have a nice long chat with Aikawa about why he was so well-behaved the previous night, when he received his award. For the third year in a row, it was a huge shocker. Aikawa pressed, and though she correctly guessed that Misaki had something to do with his behavior, he’d never tell her what Misaki had promised to do for him if he was good. That kid’s legs were his kryptonite.

 

Hiroki called at 5:00, which was later than usual, but the perfect time for Akihiko today. Usually at this time on Mondays, Akihiko would be fucking the sense out of Misaki, and the teen would be gripping his hair and screaming, “Oh oh oh, faster, Usagi-san, please, so good, so so-”

Talking to Hiroki was a welcome distraction from his withdrawals, seeing as he’d already smoked through an entire pack of cigarettes that day and his stomach felt like an ashtray.

“So, how’s it going with the kid?” Hiroki asked jokingly.

“I think that... I want to marry him.” Akihiko said slowly, blowing smoke out of his nose as he revealed the news. There was silence on the other side. Akihiko coughed and cleared his throat. “Well?” He asked. “What do you think? I could really use another opinion here.” He tried to joke, but Hiroki sat in contemplative silence.

“I personally believe that to be a very bad idea, Akihiko.” His closest and oldest friend admitted to him. Akihiko swallowed his inhale of smoke and coughed violently.

“Why?” He managed to sputter out, “Why shouldn’t I marry him? I love him. He loves me. He’s young and smart and sexy. What’s the big deal? He’s annoying sometimes, but I can deal with that. I love him.” He was almost begging now. Akihiko hadn’t realized how much he needed his best friend’s approval until now.

“This...thing.” Hiroki started. He corrected himself, “This relationship. It’s weird, like something is off.” Akihiko snorted.

“Maybe you think that because you’re in love with a huge manchild that you fight with every other day.” He retorted, slightly hurt by Hiroki’s revelation. “I personally believe that I’m in a great relationship. It’s perfect.” He could hear the other man sigh and swallow over the line.

“It’s not normal, Akihiko-san. As in it’s not a normal relationship. Like I said, something is off, Usami-san. Something is weird.” Akihiko snorted again, and allowed himself a few laughs at his friend’s expense. Hiroki scrambled to explain himself again.

“I just think that he may be hiding something, and you need to figure it out before you do anything rash.” Akihiko took another drag from his cigarette before smashing the thing into the ashtray.

“Fine. I will. I’ll just ask him, how about that?” He said defiantly, and Hiroki simply made a “hmm” sound at him. It was almost disapproval, yet backed away from the notion. After their talk, Akihiko felt uneasy, which made him restless. He cleaned his room, wiped down his desks, and washed the bathroom. Once he finished looking over his manuscripts and reading reviews of his latest series online, it was time for a lonely takeout dinner. By 7:30, he was ready to pick up his love.

Akihiko pulled up to the apartment building at 7:45 on the dot, and found a somewhat less sketchy lot to park his car. He’s taken the smaller blue Mitsubishi Lancer, since it was less conspicuous than his red sportscar. The building was tall and brick, fitting in with the urban landscape around it. It was far enough away from the city that the architecture didn’t stand out too much, yet wasn’t too plain either.

As he walked up to the front door, unsure of how to proceed, a young woman darted out. Her skin was brown and her braids flopped against her back, restrained by a huge ponytail. She caught his eye, and she stopped, her large dark eyes blinking owlishly.

“Oh my god, you must be Usagi-san!” She exclaimed, and stuck her hand out for him to shake. “I’m Hazel.” Akihiko shook her hand tentatively, and the apprehension must have been obvious on his face. Hazel laughed and explained, “I’m a friend of Misaki’s, and I’m an international student. You’re his boyfriend, right?”

Akihiko felt his cheeks flush with both embarrassment and pleasure. She knew him, and recognized him, which meant that Misaki had told them about him in detail, or showed them pictures. That implied that Misaki talked about him a lot, and used his pet name. Akihiko felt a shiver run down his back and he smiled at the attractive girl. “Yeah, that’s me. Usagi-san. Misaki’s boyfriend.”

Hazel smiled at him, showing off white, straight teeth, and then turned back to the apartment. She punched in a code once inside, and pulled the door open for him. “This is where me and Jess live.” She explained. “We let Sumi-san and Marta practice here, and they and Jess just got Misaki to sing. It was like, finally, they’ve been asking him for months. I’m just glad that he’s finally out of that depression funk he was in; you must have really helped him out.” She yammered as they walked up two flights of stairs. Hazel led them down a hallway and stopped in front of a bright red door. She pressed one ear to the door and nodded at him.

 

“They’re about to play another song,” she murmured. She slowly twisted her key in the lock and turned the knob, silently signaling for Akihiko to follow behind her. He did, and was relieved to see that the band was facing away from them as they entered, and four individuals sat together on stools, talking quietly. One was a man that could only be seen from the back, but he looked tall and thin. A smaller girl sat next to him, holding her cello and looking at some sheet music quizzically. Her curly red hair sprang all over her head, and cascaded down her back, ending at her elbows. Another girl sat beside her, and all that Akihiko could see was short blonde hair and large bottom.

Akihiko could see a kitchen nook to the side of them, and a hallway that with a bedroom and a bathroom. The living room space was small, and Hazel moved Akihiko with her toward a corner of the room where they sat on some folding chairs. She leaned toward his ear and whispered, “They’re gonna do Latch now, I think.”

Akihiko swallowed his question when he heard Misaki’s unmistakable voice pipe up a bit louder than the others. “Do we wanna do viola or violin for this take?” He asked.

The tall man, with sandy hair that fell over his shoulders and brushed his back, answered him, “I think the viola sounds better, the sound is fuller and deeper the violin.” He answered, and the busty blonde girl reached over to change her instruments. As she picked up her viola, she glanced back at them and smiled, about to wave. Hazel quickly waved her off and she blinked, her mouth in a small ‘o’ shape, and she turned around quickly. Misaki nodded and placed his headphones over his ears. Sumi, as the man must have been turned a few knobs on the speaker and flipped a switch. He positioned himself over his keyboard and nodded toward the girl with her cello.

As Sumi’s hands touched the keys and the girl started on her cello, Akihiko immediately recognized the song. What he didn’t recognize was Misaki’s spellbinding voice.

“You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down,” he sang, his eyes closed and his lips close to the microphone. Akihiko’s heart clenched and he gripped his hands together. Hazel grinned up at him, obviously excited about his response. Misaki continued, holding the mic and moving back and forth in a way that was both sensual and enticing.

“Now I’ve got you in my space, I won’t let go of you,” Misaki crooned, making his vibrato especially noticeable. “Got you shackled in my embrace, I’m latching on to you,” he sang. Akihiko felt a lump in his throat and tears pricking at his eyes. He was just so _damn_ beautiful. And this angel was his, only his.

“I’m latching on.... to you.” Misaki sang, moving his voice up and down the scales with ease. He finished the last note and Sumi and the girl on the cello finished together, watching each other for closure. Hazel sighed, and Akihiko felt as though he’d been holding his breath the entire time. Misaki pulled off his headphones and spoke again.

“That one was the best, I think. We should keep that.” Sumi nodded and began to click some keys on his laptop.

“That was awesome, you guys.” Hazel said, startling the musicians. The girl on the cello squealed and moved toward her, and they hugged tightly.

“Hazel, I didn’t hear you come back!” She said in a thick French accent. _That must be Jess then,_ Akihiko determined. Hazel kissed her girlfriend on the nose and the girl smiled with wide red lips. Sumi looked back at them and his eyes stopped on the Akihiko. The corner of his mouth curved upward slightly as he obviously looked Akihiko up and down, which made him swallow and pull his jacket closer to him. Sumi then turned and mumbled something to Misaki, who whipped his head around and focused on him in the dim lighting. Misaki’s widened comically as he saw his boyfriend and the said man waved at him awkwardly. Misaki threw off the headphones and scrambled to grab his coat and backpack.

“Where are you going, honey?” Marta, the blonde, asked. She pushed her breasts together as she placed her viola gently into the case. She batted her big blue eyes and continued, “We wanted to do one more take, for recording again.” Her German accent was thick as well, and though she spoke slowly, her Japanese sounded choppy.

Misaki glared at Akihiko, who moved toward the door reflexively. His face burned under Misaki’s eyes and the boy said in an even voice, “I’m sorry Marta, I have to go. I’ll try to rehearse again on Wednesday or Friday.” He pushed past Akihiko to turn the doorknob and rush into the hallway. Marta pouted and slumped in her seat. She made eye contact with Akihiko and cocked her head at him. He nodded awkwardly at the students in the room, who all stared at him with mixes of curiosity, discontent, and apprehension.

Misaki was already rushing toward the front door when Akihiko made it down the stairs to catch him. “Oi, kid!” He called, panting. Misaki turned toward him, furious.

“What the HELL is wrong with you??” He shouted, slamming Akihiko into the glass. The older man said a mental prayer to thank God that they were outside, and opened his mouth to retort. Misaki was not done yet, however, not by a long shot. “You show up early, spy on me, and you sit there staring at all my friends like a freaking duck?”

Misaki’s face was red, and he backed away and threw his hands into the air and then dragged them down the sides of his head again. “And you stared at Marta like a meat stick, you fucking pervert! She’s- ugh!!” Misaki kicked at a piece of loose asphalt, which catapulted in the brick wall. He then turned and let out a huge groan, away from Akihiko.

 

“I don’t get why you’re so upset, Misa-kun.” Akihiko felt his confidence returning, and remembered why he’d come to pick up Misaki early anyway. “And besides, you can’t hide secrets from me.” Misaki turned to face him, his mouth open and his eyebrows raised so high that they were mostly hidden by his bangs. Akihiko tilted his chin up and felt his arrogance kicking in for him.

 

“That’s right, Misaki. You’re _my boyfriend_ , which means that I have a right to know where you are at ALL times. And I can tell you who you should be hanging out with. You missed dinner tonight, and we _always_ have dinner together.” He crossed his arms and sniffed indignantly. “You really owe me an apology. I mean, you’re living in my house, aren’t you?” He finished, tapping his foot impatiently.

 

Misaki stared at him as though he’d been struck. For a moment, Akihiko was confident in his assertion of who was in charge in this relationship, and waited for Misaki’s apology, hopefully with an apologetic blowjob as well.

Misaki’s mouth pressed into a straight thin line, and he slowly walked up to Akihiko, his eyes narrow and dangerous slits. The author dropped his hands to his sides and clenched them into fists, challenging the kid right back. Misaki stopped an inch away from his chest and stared into his eyes. It seemed that they stood like this for an achingly long amount of time, and then Misaki spoke.

“I finally get what your problem is,” He said, gripping his satchel. Akihiko raised an eyebrow at him and scoffed.

“Oh really? Do enlighten me, university student.” Misaki smirked at him, and his eyes darkened in a way that was unfamiliar and frightening. Akihiko stepped back unconsciously.

“You’re arrogant because you have lots of money, and you have a talent for writing books where men fuck each other senseless. You have fans worldwide, but you have no one to spend your time with. Until you found me, of course. Your Misa-kun. Your _angel_.” Misaki’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “So you latched onto me and sprung all of your hopes and dreams for the future onto my body, my life. Like Gatsby to Daisy.” Misaki eyes dropped to the ground suddenly, and he looked sad for a moment, but he immediately met Akihiko’s eyes again, challenging him.

“You think you know me, don’t you? You think I’m your maid, your lover, your boyfriend? Just because I let you fuck me and I cook things for you.” Akihiko felt his legs weakening. “You don’t know me. You don’t _want_ to know me. I’m just a trophy, something mysterious and neat, something for you to look at. I remind you of being young again, and you’re never going to look at me differently. But don’t say that you know me.” Misaki shook his head, smiling slowly. “I’m a whore, Usami. I’m a whore, and I’m your entire world right now. You think I stay with you because you’ll get me whatever I want with the snap of my fingers, that by buying me things and giving me rides I’ll stay with you. You think you have me.”

Misaki crossed his arms. “I could have another you in a second. I’m not even lying. I could dump you and find someone else to take care of me. Try 

It was a standoff. Misaki standing there, with his bomber jacket and his sneakers, his arms crossed over his chest, and Akihiko, holding his keys in a limp hand, completely dumbfounded by the boy’s words.

They already knew who had won when Akihiko unlocked the car and Misaki sat in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead. When they arrived at the apartment, Misaki let him lead, and followed him silently up to the penthouse. And when Misaki slipped his shoes off and fell onto the couch, Akihiko didn’t protest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger. I hate cliffhangers so I'll probably update again really soon. Thank you for reviewing, and let me know what else you think in a comment below. Thanks for stopping by :)


	8. Akihiko: Hiro-chan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Trauma mentioned here, Mature scenes.

_"I don't know what you want."_

_"You're just like him."_

 

 

Akihiko woke up to an empty bed, and an empty stomach. Tuesday through Thursday meant that Misaki often wouldn’t come home until after 7, and sometimes not until 9. With classes from 8 a.m. until 1:00 or 2:00 in the afternoon, and then work for hours straight, they would sometimes miss each other for two days straight. Akihiko didn’t mind, though. Weekends were he and Misaki’s time, and Misaki was a busy college student. He understood.

 

Today was different. He’d woken up to eggs and toast for breakfast, and the gesture warmed his heart. That was an olive branch, right? A token from Misaki to him, and he hoped that it meant what he thought it meant. He ate, and almost wept again out of the thought of Misaki making him food, and then leaving forever. _That wouldn’t happen_ , he scolded himself, but after the previous night, who knew?

 

After entering a journal entry and watching some mind-numbing television for a few hours, Akihiko considered his actions from the night before. He wasn’t in the wrong, right? He sat up on the couch, and pulled Suzuki into his lap, petting the stuffed bear absentmindedly. Misaki hadn’t told him when he would come home, and he was giving the kid a place to live. He had the right to know who he was hanging out with, right?

 

The author flopped backwards onto the couch and squeezed his eyes shut. _I fucked up_ , he thought. _Misaki can really go out with whoever he wants, he’s an adult. I’m just his partner._

 

He ran a hand down his face and realized his mistake. _I can’t treat him like a child and then love him like an equal. He’s not a kid. He’s my boyfriend, and I don’t want to be controlling._

 

“Misaki’s right,” He whispered to nobody. “I was treating him like he was a book character that I brought to life. Fuck.”

 

Still in his revelations, Akihiko was surprised to hear the front door open. He stood quickly, still clutching onto Suzuki-san, and looked toward the intruder.

 

Misaki stood in the entryway, toeing off his shoes and murmuring a soft, “I’m home.” He looked up at the Akihiko, and the man realized how he must look, a grown man wearing sweatpants, unshaven, and holding a giant teddy bear. He quickly deposited Suzuki onto the sofa behind him, and gulped. This was a situation that the great Usami Akihiko had never been in before, and he wasn’t sure how to proceed.

 

“Misa-”

 

“I’m sorry for last night.” Misaki interrupted. He looked down, swallowing as he toyed with his fingers. “I didn’t meant to yell. And- I know you were just getting that way because I didn’t come home, or listen to you. I-I’m okay with being like this.” Misaki wiped at his nose, and Akihiko felt as though his heart was breaking.

 

“I’ve got it good right now, better than I’ve had it for a long time.” He looked up the older man with huge, watery green eyes. They looked like ocean pools, and he wanted to swim in Misaki for the rest of his life. “I mean, you’re great. You’re kind, and you’re smart, and you don’t hurt me and-”

 

Akihiko threw his bear onto the floor and grabbed Misaki into his arms. Smaller arms encircled his waist, and he pulled Misaki off the floor and over to the couch, seating him sideways on his lap. He kissed away the man’s tears and held Misaki’s hands in his own, rubbing circles over his palms with his thumbs.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Misaki.” He said fervently, kissing his arm. Misaki seemed to cry even harder at this and shook his head. Akihiko continued, pleading with his boyfriend, asking him to listen. “I don’t want someone that I can mold, or that I can control. I don’t want Margo, I want Misaki! I want your imperfections and your anger and your pain and I want to have you!” He exclaimed, moving his hands to hold Misaki’s face between his palms. Misaki took a few deep, shuddering breaths, and met his gaze.

 

“I’m never going to say, ‘You’re fucked up’ because of your past. You couldn’t help it.” Akihiko finished, and Misaki let out a soft little laugh, almost breathless.

 

“I’m beautiful, remember?” He offered in a small voice, his smile innocent and wide. Akihiko felt his chest swell, and he kissed his boyfriend on the mouth, both cheeks, and then his mouth again.

 

“You are. And I love you.” Misaki giggled, and wrapped his arms around him. Akihiko allowed himself a small sigh of relief, rubbed the man’s back. Misaki pulled away and rubbed a thumb on his stubble, smiling to himself.

 

“I’m glad I got Katya to cover for me. This was worth it.” He whispered. They kissed, and then fell over to lay on the couch together. Akihiko felt like he was luckier than any other man, and he needed to continue to count his blessings. Misaki was worth it.

 

“We should go and see the cherry blossoms on Friday.” Misaki suggested. He was sitting on the bathroom counter, watching Akihiko get dressed for a Writers’ Guild function that night. After their discussion that afternoon, Akihiko felt much more confident in his relationship with Misaki and Misaki held his hand for the rest of the day. He was getting clingier, but Akihiko didn’t mind. His boyfriend was here, and he was okay. He turned toward the chocolate haired beauty, who was looking between two different ties and frowning at both. Misaki turned toward him and smiled brilliantly.

 

“I’d like to see the cherry blossoms with you, Misaki.” He replied genially, and took the red tie from the boy. Misaki set the blue one beside him thoughtfully.

 

“Good. We’ll go after my classes on Friday. And are you sure you don’t want the blue one? I think you’d like it better.” Misaki seemed concerned, staring at the red tie with a strange intensity. Akihiko chuckled and kissed him on the forehead, taking his hand and leaving the bathroom.

 

“I’ll be back by 11:00, hopefully sooner. I love you.” He said, kissing Misaki on the lips and taking his coat from the student’s arms. Misaki giggled and kissed him back harder.

 

“I wish I could go with you, but you know I have a test tomorrow...” Misaki sighed, his words trailing off. He smiled sadly at his boyfriend and hugged him one more time. “I love you too.” He replied.

 

Dinner and social hour. That’s all these meetings really ever needed to be. Akihiko sat at an overly decorated table, jiggling his leg faster and faster. His colleagues sat around him, pleased that he was at least trying to smile this time, and Aikawa glared from another table. “SMILE!” she mouthed to him. Akihiko rolled his eyes and pulled his lips back to show his teeth. Aikawa grimaced in response and turned back around.

 

After some boring speeches and thick cut steaks, Akihiko stared into the void, wondering what Misaki was doing at home, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, wondering if Misaki was alright. It was a text from the said man, and Akihiko opened it right away.

 

**From: Misa-kun**

I need you.

 

Akihiko swallowed and looked around panicked. Shit, he needed to get home. He quickly typed out a response, and then drummed his fingers on the table impatiently. He ignored the small talk of the other authors around the table and tried in vain to get Aikawa to turn her head.

 

From: Akihiko

Are you okay? I’ll come home as soon as I can, just hold on. What’s wrong?

 

The phone buzzed again, and Akihiko grabbed onto it with a grip of steel.

 

From: Misa-kun

I need your cock, Usagi. I need you here right now.

 

The color drained from his face and rushed down to his crotch as he read Misaki’s reply, and he swallowed hard. He typed out a reply and held his phone in his hand, resting on his thigh.

 

From: Akihiko

Oh wow, I didn’t know you would miss me so much tonight, love.

 

From: Misa-kun

I want you. I want your kisses, and I want you to fuck me into the mattress.

 

Akihiko almost groaned and bit his tongue. Another buzz.

 

From: Misa-kun

I want your head between my legs, driving me crazy like you do. I want you to make me slick enough for you, and then tease me with your fingers. I love it when you tease me, it makes me crazy. And I want you to fuck my ass like you haven’t seen me in years. I love it when you do that, Usagi-san.

 

Akihiko’s breath hitched, and he swallowed. There was another buzz and he nearly groaned aloud before opening it.

 

From: Misa-kun

Mmm, I’m getting so hard just thinking about it.

 

Akihiko thought he might cry from his hard-on, and willed it away. He stared at Aikawa for a good 30 seconds and it seemed to do the trick. With it gone, Akihiko rushed to the bathroom and yanked down his pants. He sat on the toilet and rubbed his hand over his cock, thinking about Misaki and his lips, his body, his ass, oh that ass... His phone buzzed again and Akihiko unlocked it with his free hand, his mind still hazy from the sudden masturbation.

 

From: Misa-kun

I’m oiling myself, Usagi. But if you don’t come fuck me soon, I’m going to have to finish myself off.

 

“Fucking tease!” Akihiko yanked his pants up, zipping them over his boner and groaning at the feeling. He rushed to the coatroom and shoved his number into the girl’s hand. He looked down at his phone again and opened Misaki’s picture message. It contained an innocent picture of Misaki’s bare legs on his bed, but Akihiko knew the message behind the picture. It meant that Misaki was ready and waiting.

 

Another buzz. After opening the message, he had to stifle his moan at the sight of Misaki’s hand between his legs, not showing anything, but teasing him.

 

He raced out to his car and sped away from the convention center, never more anxious to get home. After a terrible parking job and practically jumping in the elevator, Akihiko threw open his front door and slammed it shut behind him.

 

“MISAKI!!” He roared, tearing off his suit jacket and his tie. He was tripping out of his pants as he ascended the stairs, and he threw his shirt behind him as he ripped the door open. Misaki sat on his bed, on his comforter no less, like something out of a wet dream. His first two fingers were pumping in and out of his mouth, and he was straddling the bed. His cock was hard and leaking against the blankets. One hand was caressing his balls, his member, and squeezing the head. He was an absolute dream, and Akihiko couldn’t help himself anymore.

 

Misaki moaned as Akihiko tackled him, throwing him back into the pillows. “Usagi-san,” he gasped, as the older man shoved his hand roughly to his bottom, feeling for his hole. It was wet and dripping, as he had hoped. Misaki raised his legs up and continued to suck on his fingers, then slid them into his little puckered hole. His hair was loose all over the pillow and he gazed up at the older man with half-lidded eyes. “Please...” Misaki moaned.

 

Akihiko wasted no time ridding himself of his boxers and his undershirt, until he was as naked as the beauty before him. Misaki turned over, and waited on all fours with his ass in the air. He looked back at Akihiko expectantly. The said man leaned forward and let his tongue slip out from between his lips, tasting Misaki’s hole. His boyfriend whimpered and shuddered, gripping the pillow to his chest tightly. He thrusted back toward Akihiko’s tongue, and the older man complied. Akihiko nipped and sucked at Misaki, giving as much pleasure as he could, and then inserted one finger in next to his tongue, still thrusting hard. Misaki howled and yanked himself away.

 

Akihiko sat up, nervous that he’d hurt his boyfriend, but Misaki panted out, “I’m ready.” It was all he needed. He pulled himself up onto his knees and lined up with Misaki’s hole. With one long thrust in, he bottomed out and began to move, slowly. Misaki reached back and grabbed his ass, shoving his cock in hard. “Faster!” He commanded, and Akihiko complied, going as fast as he could and then fucking him with no restraint. Misaki moaned and grabbed the headboard for support, meeting his thrusts with perfect timing. “So good, so good, oh Usagi, right there, that’s-- Usagi, I’m--” It was all the warning that the author got before Misaki spilled himself all over the sheets. His hole tightened and Akihiko was able to get in about 4 more thrusts before he too came. He pulled out as quick as he could, spurting all over Misaki’s ass and the blankets. Misaki groaned at the feeling and fell to the side.

 

For a moment, they both were silent, panting in the aftermath. Akihiko silently rose to his feet and raised his arms over his head, stretching his back. He gently pulled the blanket out from underneath Misaki and wrapped him in sheets, tossing the blanket into the laundry hamper. Misaki lay in the sheets, watching him with languid curiosity, stretching his arms and legs as he stared.

 

Akihiko, still naked, raised Misaki’s head from the main pillow, the one that was covered in cum, and replaced it with a clean one from the closet. Misaki smiled up at him, reaching his arms out. He leaned over, and they embraced for a moment until Misaki mentioned that he was cold. After grabbing a large knitted blanket from the closet, Akihiko pulled his boyfriend into his arms and kissed him to sleep.

 

The next morning was exactly like Tuesday, except that Misaki had put extra effort into his breakfast. Akihiko ate happily, and although Misaki had to work that night, he felt as though everything in their relationship was out in the open. He felt as though he knew his boyfriend better now, and it was comforting to know.

 

On Friday, Akihiko picked up Misaki from school and they had a small lunch of sushi and dessert that Misaki had made. They then travelled down to the lake to sit on the hill and watch the cherry blossoms go by.

 

“Did you do this as a kid?” Misaki asked, lifting his head from where it lay on Akihiko’s shoulder. “Usagi-san? With your- your brother?” Akihiko ran his hand through Misaki’s hair, and the man’s eyes fluttered closed. That really was Misaki’s weakness, having his hair played with.

 

“Yes.” He replied softly, watching his angel. Misaki sagged against him, his eyes closed, but his face turned toward Akihiko.

 

“I came to watch the blossoms more often with Hiroki, however. We would watch them in high school with-” He paused, and stopped his ministrations. “With another friend.” Misaki looked up at him through long dark lashes.

 

“What other friend?” He asked nonchalantly, but he was twisting his fingers and it was obvious that he was curious about this ‘friend’.

 

Akihiko pulled him close again. “He’s no one now. I have you, and I love you more than I ever loved him.” He said softly. Misaki giggled against his chest and twisted his face in his shirt.

 

“I know... But who was he? What was his name? And do you still know him, or did you guys break it off a long time ago?” Akihiko sighed, and looked into Misaki’s eyes.

 

“His name was Takahiro Tadashi. There, are you happy now?” He laughed and leaned forward to kiss Misaki, but the man twisted away from his violently and stared at him. “What?” He asked, slightly annoyed, but he stopped when he saw Misaki’s face. The man was still, and turning paler by the minute. “Misaki, are you okay?” He said again, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

Misaki looked down at the hand, and then at Akihiko. He suddenly looked very green and stood quickly. Akihiko braced him as he turned a bit. “Oh god...” He said softly, and gripped his stomach. “I think I’m going to be sick.” He whispered, and rushed to the nearest trashcan. Akihiko stopped, unsure of how to react, as Misaki emptied the contents of his stomach into the trash.

 

He rubbed the man’s back, but Misaki continued to sob over the trashcan, inconsolable. He finally left him to pull the car around, and buckled Misaki in. After tucking him into the bed in the guestroom with a glass of water, he called the cafe and informed them that Misaki was so sick that he’d be unavailable for the next week. The kid was their star employee, and he could use some time off, they said. As Akihiko set the phone back on to the receiver, he softly came to listen to Misaki through the cracked door. The other man was crying, and through his sobs Akihiko could hear something that sounded like, “Why, Hiro-chan...Hiro.”

 

For a moment, Akihiko stood frozen as he listened to Misaki crying into his pillow. He then turned and went down to the balcony to smoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be next week. Please let me know what you thought of the sex scene, I've been told that I'm not the best with them. Also, I tried to focus on diction and dialogue more this time so that it makes more sense. Thank you for sticking along and pointing out my shortcomings, and I hope you have a great day.


	9. Misaki: First You Lose Trust

**How am I the lucky one?** I did not deserve to wait around forever when you were there first.

 

_“I love you, Misaki. It’s okay if we do it then, because I love you. See? It’s fine.”_

_“Mom said private parts were for private.”_

_“Yeah, but you can show them to me. You love me too, right?”_

_  
“I don’t like that, Nii-chan. C-can you please stop?”_

_“Doesn’t that feel good, Misaki? Call me Hiro, Misaki. I’m more than just your brother, right?”_

 

Friday, April 3rd 12:37 p.m.

I hate him. He takes everything good in my life and ruins it, just like before. But then again, I do the same thing to myself, so I guess we really are related. I only write like this when I’m angry, so it’s good that I kept you, journal. You’re the only real friend that I’ve ever had.

 

I hate writing like this, and I don’t write for “fun” very often. I can’t write down my wildest dreams like Akihiko, and have them come back to me in a bigger and better way than before. For him, the paper is a gateway. It unlocks doors that he never knew existed, and it takes him to faraway places and impossible circumstances. It’s an escape, a release, a way to take the emotions and let them run loose, leaving destruction and beauty all the way they go. For me, the paper is a trap. It’s my way of taking those emotions that hurt me, that make me mad with rage, and lets me shut them away forever. Or for a while. The paper isn’t a release, it’s a refuge for my madness. This journal is my dreamcatcher, from years and years ago.

And it still holds all of my nightmares.

 

Takahiro began my molestation when I was little, like so little that I can still remember my parents doting on me. I think that I was 5 or 6. I can’t remember. I just remember that I knew it was wrong. When I read my too large handwriting here, I can see how messed up this whole thing is, and now I’ve dragged Akihiko into our mess. Side note: He likes it when I call him Usagi. I don’t think he’s ever had a pet name.

 

He’s so good to me, and he’s so far out of my league that I find it laughable that he thinks I’m this divine star child. It’s easy with him, easier than it’s been with any other man. I love him so, so much and it finally feels good to give all of my love to someone like that, not like the other men who I’ve been with for the past few years. I think I really just need to let it out, journal. I messed up. I ruined some of the best times with this stupid thing, and I’ve felt bad for so long. I don’t need to feel that way anymore.

 

I haven’t written since Takahiro raped me when I was 15, so I might as well start there. He raped me. I told Usagi that he didn’t, that he just fingered me, but I remember when it happened. When I came home from school and he hugged me and kissed me, like he always did, and he asked if I had homework. I said yes, and of course he let me go and do it, and he made dinner. After dinner, we usually played games, since we didn’t really have a television. I mean, we had one, but it was just for DVDs. He asked if he could try something, and I said I was tired. I wish I’d gone downstairs, journal, because if I’d done that, he wouldn’t have tried to follow me. He would have just smiled and said that I must be tired, and if I did that I could have told on him the next day. He never tried to fuck me in the morning.

 

He kissed me, and started to finger me, like always. I’m still fuzzy on what happened next. I remember him tossing me onto the couch and doing weird things with his tongue. Usagi has done things like that, but it wasn’t the same. I remember heat and suddenly I felt really full and really hurt, like my stomach was on fire. And I cried, I cried for him to stop, but he kept going and even laughed at me and it hurt and he kept going and then there was blood and blood and he laughed and he said I was a champ and there was blood and blood and

 

1:45 p.m.

It got to be too much, so I stopped. I've never written about this before, but it felt kind of good. I think I got it in here for good now. Usagi-san must have come into the room at some point, because there’s some rice and curry here on the dresser. He also closed my journal and put it up too. He’s too sweet for me, and I should really cut him loose. I only got to be with him by putting on a facade, and it’s starting to crumble now. I love him, but he’d be so much better off with someone else. Someone who wasn’t damaged, who didn’t have so much shit going on in his life. I’ve cut off everyone else that I used to know, so I should be able to start fresh. As fresh as I could be. I think I hear my boyfriend now, hold on journal.

 

1:50 p.m.

Well. Time for a serious talk, I guess. I’ll write about it later.

 

Love, Misaki T.

 


	10. Akihiko: Everybody Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (but nobody really knows.)

_“It’s been forever since I felt this way. And I never want to feel this way again.”_

 

Akihiko rested against the arm of the couch, with two cushions supporting his head and neck and one under his back. He held his cellphone loosely between two fingers, swinging it back and forth. He crunched through a mint and immediately reached for another, swirling the circular candy around in his mouth. Sucking it between his teeth, Akihiko dialed the number quickly and held the phone in a tight, tense grip.

 

“Hello?” Came the bright, inquisitive voice.

 

“Oy, Kusama-san, can you give Hiroki his phone?” Akihiko responded gruffly, and immediately regretted being rude to the other man.

 

“Sure.” Nowaki replied, seemingly unbothered by the tone and chipper as ever. “Here he is! Don’t talk long, he’s busy!” Akihiko rolled his eyes and gripped onto Suzuki tightly.

 

“Hello?” Hiroki answered wearily. The author drew in a deep breath.

 

“What did you do to Misaki?” He asked, wincing at how rude and abrupt he sounded.

 

“Um, what?” Hiroki responded, confused. Akihiko let out a huff and continued.

 

“He was crying and saying your name. Your nickname. He kept sobbing and going, ‘Hiro-san’. What the fuck is that all about?”

 

“I don’t fucking know! I’ve only talked to him twice, and once was with you! I don’t even see him in school!”

 

“What was the other time?” Akihiko nearly shouted into the phone, sitting up now.

 

“He asked why you weren’t answering the phone. It was after he sexted you and you beat off to it for 20 minutes and didn’t respond, remember? Poor kid…” Hiroki made a clicking sound with his tongue and sighed. “I haven’t talked to him since, except maybe saying hi or something.”

 

“Then why, exactly, is he crying in his FUCKING ROOM??” Akihiko boomed, his voice rising steadily.

 

“I don’t know! I literally have no fucking idea why your boyfriend is crying in his room and why he would be crying about me, of all things.” Hiroki exclaimed, exasperated. Akihiko grunted, frustrated.

 

“What the fuck did you do?” He seethed.

 

“Why don’t you go ask him?” Hiroki said, eerily calm. Akihiko inhaled, and then slammed the phone onto the couch. He stormed up the stairs and threw open the door, ready to scream to the rafter—

 

And was greeted with the sight of Misaki curled up in his bed, his hands balled up near his face and his blankets wrapped around him. His long lashes casted a shadow on his cheeks, and his face was still pink. The tracks of his tears were dark and obvious on his clear complexion. Akihiko ran a gentle hand through his hair and rubbed his thumb on Misaki’s cheek. He then turned and slowly closed the door and tiptoed down the stairs.

 

“I need to know if you know anything.”

 

“Oh, you’re still there, huh?”

 

“You’re being an asshole, just tell me what you did to him!” Akihiko exclaimed, raising his voice just the slightest bit.

 

_“It wasn't me!"_  Hiroki replied, sounding panicked.

  
_"_ Who was it, then?” Akihiko felt his heart racing faster as he began to hyperventilate. “Who am I supposed to believe? I don't know who DID THIS TO HIM!” He roared into the phone.

 

The other line was silent, and Akihiko swallowed and forced himself to calm down. Suddenly Nowaki’s voice came over the speaker, and sounding calm but detached, he said, “Please don’t contact us again, Usami-san.” And the line went dead.

 

Akihiko cursed as he hung up, and tightened his grip. He grunted and then threw his phone into the wall, watching it shatter. He stared at it for a moment, and then began to sweep up the pieces. Once that was done, he went about making rice and curry for his sick little boyfriend. He poured the rice into the pot, stirred his curry accordingly, and prepared the small meal for Misaki. After checking that everything was cooked correctly, he climbed the stairs and placed the plate softly onto Misaki’s bedside dresser, watching his lover sleep soundly.

 

He’d almost left the room when he saw a book sitting open in front of the young man. It was small and leather bound, with brown coloring on the outside. Akihiko gently lifted it from Misaki’s bed and closed it, looking for the title. There wasn’t one, and after quickly flipping through the pages, he recognized it as a journal. A small knot formed in his stomach. Misaki was upset, so he’d written in a journal. If he read it, he could determine what had made his lover so sad and correct it, and help him. Even if it was something Hiroki had done. Akihiko stared down at the book, gripping it so tightly that he thought he might bend the sides.

 

However, if he read from this book and learned all of Misaki’s secrets, it would be as if he stole knowledge from the man. It would be rude and unnecessary, and basically spying. He set the journal down gingerly on the dresser as well, not wishing to invade Misaki’s privacy. After one last glance back at the man, he went downstairs for his own nap.

 

            Dreaming in the afternoon will almost always bring nightmares, and Akihiko wasn’t exempt from this fate. He wrestled with the couch cushion, and saw images of Misaki screaming, crying and begging through a black void, but he was powerless to stop it. He woke up not long after he had laid down, and checked the clock. I should check on Misaki, he thought, and headed for the boy’s bedroom.

            Misaki was sitting up on the bed with his hands crossed over his lap pleasantly. He blinked at him a few times and smiled. “Hi.” He said softly. Akihiko gasped audibly and moved wuickly to Misaki’s side. He brushed some loose strands of hair from his face and touched the man’s lips gently. Misaki moaned softly and let his eyes flutter closed. “Usagi-san, don’t do that.” He whispered, sitting perfectly still. “That’s so embarrassing.” Akihiko felt as though he might float up into the ceiling and out into the universe from Misaki’s words, his smile, and his closeness. Misaki was like a dream that he had dreamt for his entire life, and he had no intent of letting this beauty go.

 

“Are you okay?” Akihiko asked, caressing Misaki’s pale cheek. Misaki opened his eyes, but didn’t look at him. Instead, he pressed harder into Akihiko’s hand.

 

“No.” He murmured. He sniffled and the older man scooted closer so that he could rub Misaki’s back. “I’m not okay.” Misaki looked up at Akihiko and gave him a watery smile. “Can we not talk about it? Don’t you want to like, fuck me or something?” He asked, laughing awkwardly. “I mean, isn’t that what you do?” Akihiko’s throat tightened and he moved his hands to Misaki’s arms.

“We need to talk. I’ll go downstairs, and you can come down when you’re ready. Okay?” Misaki nodded at him, and intertwined his fingers against the blankets. Akihiko nodded and rose from the bed, leaving Misaki to himself.

 

Misaki came downstairs a few minutes later, and had changed from his button down sweater into a thick t-shirt. He pulled his hair up into a small bun as he thumped down the stairs and wrapped his spindly arms around Akihiko’s waist. Akihiko hugged him in turn, and they stood like that for a few moments, until the author pulled his lover over to the couch and sat down next to him.

 

Fiddling with the hem on his shirt, Misaki watched Akihiko apprehensively. “What do you want to talk about?” He asked timidly.

 

“Why were you crying earlier? Let’s start with that.” Akihiko replied, leaning back into the couch with one arm slung over the side.

 

Misaki huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, his mouth sticking out in the slightest pout. “I was sad.” He replied genially. Akihiko scoffed and Misaki’s lips twisted.

 

“That much is obvious. Who is Hiro-chan?” He ventured further, crossing his own arms in response. Misaki’s eyes widened and he looked up at Akihiko in alarm.

 

“Who said that?” He asked, swallowing and shifting in his seat.

 

“You did. You kept crying about him and rocking on the bed. You were shaking, Misaki. And I- I didn’t know what to do.” Akihiko took in a breath and clenched his hand into a fist. Misaki was sitting nearer to the arm of the couch, and Akihiko watched him pull his legs to his chest and continue to watch him, quiet. He sighed and continued, still tense.

 

“I love you, but I want you to be happy, I want you to feel loved by me, I want- I want you to feel better.” Misaki blinked, and Akihiko saw him wipe at his eyes quickly. He reached across the couch, and took one of Misaki’s hands in his own. Misaki pulled back instinctively, shaking his head violently.

 

“I don’t- I don’t deserve you. I’m definitely being selfish by staying so long.” His eyes darted from the door to the stairs to his hand, wrapped in Akihiko’s tight grip. “I need to go. I- You- We shouldn’t be here.” Misaki pulled his hand out of Akihiko’s and darted toward the stairs. Akihiko sat in shock for a moment before immediately lunging after him.

 

“Why can’t you just talk to me?” He asked, trying to remain calm as he followed Misaki up to his room. Misaki looked back at him fearfully and ran into his room.

 

“Misaki!” He shouted, and stormed up the stairs after him. Confusion and fear ran through Akihiko’s mind. What did I do? He thought as he flung open the door to his boyfriend’s extra room. Misaki was frantically throwing clothes into his backpack and grabbing his textbooks. Tears were streaming down his face freely now, and he didn’t wipe them away or slow down. I can’t let him leave. Akihiko’s sight was hazy, a blur now, as Misaki moved from place to place, looking similar to a ping pong ball machine.

 

Misaki finally moved toward the door, a textbook in his hand and his stuffed backpack on his back. Akihiko blocked it instinctively, standing impressively tall over his lover. “Move, Usagi.” Came Misaki’s small voice. He sounded calm, and the only way to see his fear was in the tear tracks on his cheeks. “Please. I have to go.”

 

“Where?” Akihiko asked. “Where are you going and why?” Misaki looked away, his hands in fists by his side. Akihiko’s voice rose higher in volume. “Why the hell won’t you talk to me?” Misaki’s eyes welled up again and he angrily wiped at them, and Akihiko felt like the world’s worst villain, and somehow it made him angrier. Misaki made a charge at the door and Akihiko grabbed him by the arms, knocking the textbook from his hands. The smaller man’s expression changed from anger to surprise as they tumbled to the ground, Misaki landing dully on his overstuffed bag.

 

“Get off of me!” Misaki started, but Akihiko pinned down his hands and stared at him. Misaki gasped and squirmed underneath him. He grinned slowly.

 

“We don’t have to talk, Misa-kun.” Akihiko whispered into Misaki’s ear, before licking the shell. Misaki yelped and bucked against him. The author sighed and kissed Misaki’s neck before sucking and kissing his collarbone as well. Misaki whimpered and arched against him.

 

“Please don’t do this.” He whispered, his words thick against Akihiko’s chest.

 

This is all I know to do, Akihiko thought numbly in return, but instead said, “You asked before for me to fuck you. I-I just want to make you feel good, let me make you feel better.” He reached down with one hand to cup Misaki’s crotch and continued to suck and nip on his neck. Misaki suddenly went still, limp beneath him. Akihiko stopped, feeling awkward all of a sudden and leaned back to look at him.

 

Misaki was staring at the ceiling, tears leaking from his eyes like an old faucet and making pools on the ground beside him. He opened his mouth slowly, almost deliberately, and let out a shuddering breath. He spoke softly and said, “You’re going to do what you want to do anyway, aren’t you?” Akihiko furrowed his brow and stared at him, confused. Misaki was reacting. Misaki wasn’t pushing him away. What now?

 

“I don’t… I don’t know what you want.” He admitted, releasing Misaki’s hands and sitting up on his heels slowly. Misaki let out a sigh and closed his eyes. He brought his hands to his chest and clasped them together against his chest. Akihiko waited, tight as a coil and just as tense.

 

“You’re just like him.” Misaki said softly, sitting up as well. He opened his eyes slowly, and rolled them around, looking at his room. Finally, they fixed themselves on Akihiko. “You’re just like my rapist.” Misaki said. He stood and backed toward the door. Akihiko stared at him.

 

“No. No, I’m- I’m nothing like your brother, Misaki!!!” He bellowed, still on his knees on the ground.

 

Misaki’s face was impassive and blank as he shrugged his shoulders and grabbed his textbook from the ground. “You are, Usami. I mean, you should know. You were in love with him.”

 

It wasn’t until hours later, almost dinnertime, when Akihiko woke up to a dark, empty house that he realized what Misaki had said. What Misaki had meant. It was then that the sudden realization dawned upon him, and utter shame washed over him like the tide. Usami Akihiko, at that time, grabbed Misaki’s blanket and, while holding back tears the pure shame and disgust that he felt, slept by himself for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted more chapters this time because I want to start the healing soon, after Christmas. These are the last chapters for a few days, thanks for stopping by to read them.


	11. Akihiko:

_"I've done bad things."_

_"Just tell me everything, Misaki. Please."_

 

It was morning. The sun shined through the curtains of Usami Akihiko’s spacious flat and brightened up the rooms. The sounds of the city filtered in through the windows and the author remained where he was—sprawled haphazardly on his bed. Numbness had spread though his entire body, and his toes tingled when he stretched them. Akihiko’s eyelids felt too heavy to open yet, so instead he lay on his back, wiggling his toes slowly through his socks, and moving his fingers in the open air. He waved his hands through an imaginary current, and his eyelids fluttered.

Misaki.

The memories of yesterday came rushing back to him at once, and Akihiko’s throat closed up immediately. He’d almost raped Misaki. Misaki had been raped by Takahiro. Takahiro Tadashi. His Takahiro. Akihiko’s hands flew to his mouth and he felt the bile rising in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut and considered all of the roads that it must have taken for him to get to this point and how Misaki, poor, kindhearted Misaki, could have gotten there as well. He turned onto his stomach and exhaled a few times before slowly sitting up, only to fall back down onto his back again. Moving had never felt like so much work.

The morning was slow, even for a Saturday. The loft seemed even emptier and lonelier to the author as he trudged about, making coffee and eggs, and picking at them lifelessly. Questions flew back and forth in Akihiko’s mind. Was this why Misaki was so sensitive to his touches? How long had the abuse happened? How could Takahiro, his oblivious, sweet, bumbling Takahiro have done something so despicable to Misaki?

The eggs tasted like rubber and metal, which was partly due to the fact that Akihiko had burned the pan that he cooked them in. As he scraped the rest of the contents of the pan into the trashcan, the phone rang in the living room. He answered it in record time.

“Misaki?” He panted.

“Um, no? It’s your editor, you know, the one who makes you look good in front of people?” Aikawa teased, and then laughed. “Wow, I didn’t know you even let Misaki out of your sight honestly.”

Akihiko blinked once, and then rapidly, before dropping the phone to the floor and burying his face in the cushions. Aikawa continued to squawk from the ground, but Akihiko didn’t hear a word.

He went through his normal routine, but Akihiko was a robot. He did his writing exercises, added to his newest manuscript and finished his required columns. He ate takeout for dinner and brushed his teeth afterward. He watched television and went to bed at an appropriate time. It wasn’t until he had to spend another night alone that the author allowed himself to fall victim to his own emotions, and no longer hid from the pain.

Sunday was as lazy as usual. He woke up late, as it pleased him to do, and called for a delivery breakfast, and lunch. It wasn’t until 8:00 that night that Akihiko realized that he had spent the entire weekend doing absolutely nothing, and Misaki still wasn’t home. It was then that he began to panic.

17 calls and 11 voice messages. Usami Akihiko was a wreck. Misaki wouldn’t answer, and deleted his voicemails. It was infuriating, and at the same time made him desperate to try again, harder this time, so that his lover would respond to him, just to let him know that he was safe and he was okay and he didn’t hate him. Akihiko called Misaki again. Straight to voicemail, like all of the other calls. He paced for about two minutes, and called back. Still no answer. Misaki was ignoring him on purpose, and although he most definitely deserved this, Akihiko was reaching the end of his sanity. He fell asleep at two a.m., clutching Suzuki and curled up on the couch.

“USAMI-SENSEI!” Akihiko tumbled off of the couch and onto the floor. He felt a sharp pain in his knee and looked glaringly at the intruder. Aikawa stood above him like a dogcatcher before its prey. She narrowed her eyes and tapped one foot impatiently. “You forgot to send in the columns that were due yesterday.” She said pointedly, looking him up and down.

Akihiko stared at her for a good 30 seconds and then stood and made a beeline for his bedroom. Aikawa was on his tail before he even reached the stairs. “Wait a minute!” She said, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling him toward her. Akihiko twisted out of her grip and turned to her angrily. In response, she crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at him. “What’s the deal with you?” She asked.

A lump rose in the author’s throat. He inhaled and looked away. Aikawa’s eyes widened and she dropped her arms. “What’s wrong?” she asked softly, leaning forward to gently place her hands on his arms. Akihiko shook his head and looked at his feet.

“He’s gone.” He mumbled.

“Who’s gone? Wait, Misaki’s gone?” Aikawa’s eyebrows furrowed and her mouth twisted. Akihiko nodded, staring at the wall.

“He left me. Because I- I was too pushy and I used to love-“Akihiko stopped, and gathered his words carefully before continuing. “I used to be in love with a bad person.” Aikawa raised an eyebrow again, but didn’t say anything.

“Do you know where he is?” She asked levelly and Akihiko shook his head.

“I don’t know where he is, or who he’s with, or if he’s even okay!” Akihiko said, his voice raising louder with every word. Aikawa ran her hands up and down his arms, saying nothing. Akihiko continued to speak, trying to keep his voice in check. “I- I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make this right.”  Akihiko turned away. “It’s been forever since I felt this way, and I never want to feel this way again.”

Aikawa silently pulled him to the couch and sat him down. “I’ll make you some tea.” She murmured, and pushed him toward the couch, where he lay limply. As Aikawa bustled around in the kitchen, Akihiko considered the possibilities of what could have happened if he had continued what he’d tried to do to Misaki before he left. If he’d succeeded, and they had had sex. Would Misaki be here? Would he hate him even more? Tears threatened to come to Akihiko’s eyes again when the phone rang on the table.

He answered it before he consciously knew he had. “Hello?” He asked, noting how desperate his voice sounded.

“Hi, Usagi.” Came Misaki’s quiet voice on the other line. Akihiko felt his heart rising into his throat and swallowed a few times to calm himself.

“Misaki. Where are you?” He asked, attempting to portray some semblance of control over his emotions.

Misaki sighed, and Akihiko held his breath. “I’m crashing at a friend’s. I think we really need to talk about us and the future for us, if there is one.” Misaki said flatly, and Akihiko’s heart dropped.

“Okay. I think that’s good- that’s a good idea.” He said evenly, but he felt as though he would hyperventilate at any moment. “When? And where, I suppose.”

Misaki seemed as though he were contemplating this, and then softly said, “The coffee shop where we first met. In person. I- I want to tell you things, Usagi-san.” Akihiko was sitting up now, and nodding into the phone. Aikawa gently set a steaming cup of tea in front of him and sat down across from him, waiting quietly.

“Misaki?”

“Yes?”

Akihiko steeled himself and spoke quickly. “I’m sorry and I love you.” The line was quiet for so long that Akihiko thought that Misaki had hung up, before Misaki spoke as well.

“I love you too.” Misaki said, and the man thought that he might cry and laugh at the same time. He sniffed and smiled at Aikawa.

“Oh, and Usagi-san?” Misaki asked timidly.

“Yes?”

“You’re nothing like him. I’m sorry I said that.” Misaki made a little gasping noise before blurting out, “Tomorrow at 6:30,” and he hung up. Akihiko held the phone to his ear for another few seconds, hoping beyond reason to hear Misaki’s precious voice again, and ended his call. Aikawa watched him, obviously trying to be patient, but failing miserably. She was on the edge of her chair and jiggled her legs up and down furiously. Akihiko smiled slowly. She raised an eyebrow.

“I have a date tomorrow.” He said.


	12. Akihiko: Hold Each Other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens when I hold him  
> He keeps my heart from getting broken  
> When the days get short and the nights get a little bit frozen  
> We hold each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I haven't updated in a while, but I hope this makes the wait worth it. Spoiler alert**: Misaki's origin story.

_“We hold each other, I guess. I don’t know how this works.”_

It was the roughest weekend he’d had since finishing his book, but Akihiko was willing to work twice as hard so that he could have time to see Misaki. He also cleaned his room, and washed his sheets. Just in case. Tuesday was spent making calls and writing, making sure that the house would be spotless when Misaki came home. If he came home. Around 2:00, when Misaki would be leaving class, Akihiko considered calling Hiroki, although the other man was still at work. Hiroki was really his only true friend, but he’d already messed up their relationship enough as it was.

In lieu of a call, Akihiko ordered a flower and fruit basket to be sent to Hiroki’s office, and a chocolate box to be sent to Nowaki’s hospital. Everything was going to work out. Everything would be okay. Diligently, Akihiko repeated the mantra to himself as he hurried about, making sure that everything was in place and ready for the rest of the day.

“This will be the best Tuesday of my entire life,” He decided as he hurried into the coffee shop at 6:25. Misaki hadn’t arrived yet, which was fine, and gave Akihiko some time to unpack his flowers and determine what he wanted to tell the young man.

At exactly 6:30, Misaki pushed through the door, his hair pinned back on the sides and falling stick straight against his neck. He looked around the small area, self-consciously pulling at his sweatshirt. Akihiko swallowed and forced himself to wave at the young man. Misaki saw him immediately and headed toward him, his face impassive and calm. He sat down across from the nervous man and they stared at each other, the situation suddenly awkward.

“Hello.” Akihiko started, nudging the flowers to Misaki’s side. “I got these for you.” Misaki’s eyebrows jumped up, and his mouth formed a little ‘o’.

“Thank you.” He replied softly, and brought them to his nose, smelling and smiling slowly. Akihiko beamed with pride, but he knew it probably appeared like a smirk or a grimace. Misaki cleared his throat and scratched his nose before speaking again. “I have to tell you something, Usagi, and I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

Akihiko nodded quickly and folded his hands on the table. “I’m all ears, Misaki.” He said.

Misaki smiled his soft smile at him and spoke quietly, “I can’t be with you anymore.”

With those words, Usami Akihiko’s heart broke. He cleared his own throat and drummed his fingers on the table. “And, um, why is that, Misaki?” He asked, trying to sound calm. Misaki fiddled with a petal on a flower and folded his fingers together.

“I’m not as- as innocent and mysterious as you think I am. I’ve done bad things.” Misaki said, avoiding eye contact.

Akihiko pressed the issue even more, a dozen thoughts running through his head. “Just tell me everything, Misaki. Please.”

Misaki looked up at him with huge, green eyes, and Akihiko knew that he would do anything that this man asked, that he would give his last breath to see him again, to hold him. He would do anything, give his all to make Misaki happy. The said man took a deep breath and placed his hands flat on the table, palms down.

“When I was younger, Takahiro used to use me. For like, his sexual exploration. He would just- yeah. It was bad, and I didn’t know it was wrong. And he sometimes wanted my friends to do stuff too, like, I don’t know.” Misaki waved his hand in the air as though he were reaching for some sentence that to help him explain himself, but it was out of grasp. He laced his fingers again and continued.

“I’m pretty sure my parents knew. I mean, my dad used to make me go to my friend’s houses without him, and he didn’t like kids coming over, and stuff. But they didn’t do anything about it.” Misaki looked down at the flowers and sniffed, and Akihiko resisted reaching out a hand to him. He didn’t want to disturb him.

“Anyway, Takahiro was never very close to my father, so he made my parents change his last name to my mother’s maiden name. I was always Dad’s favorite, which is why he watched out for me. Mom thought that Takahiro was the sun and the stars.” Misaki sounded bitter as he said this, but his face remained passive. Akihiko cleared his throat and Misaki suddenly looked up, as though he had forgotten where they were. Then he smiled wryly.

“I never told you about my parents…” He said softly, his voice trailing off as his mouth quirked up in a half smile.

“My parents died in a car accident when I was eight. I was urging them to hurry home too quickly, and they got in a crash. They were speeding. And,” Misaki stopped and pulled his hand into a fist. “And it was my fault. I shouldn’t have told them. Takahiro got really depressed then, and stopped talking to a lot of people.”

Akihiko didn’t mention it, but he remembered when Takahiro’s parents died. He vaguely remembered Takahiro mentioning how his little brother was making things worse for them, and he’d tried to comfort Takahiro as best he could. Akihiko felt as though he were going to throw up.

_Poor Misaki… So young and alone…_

 “So when I came out and he basically disowned me, I had some issues, obviously.” Misaki laughed awkwardly and ran his index finger along the edge of flower petal. He then pinched some dust in between his thumb and finger and rubbed it.

“Takahiro kicked me out, and I didn’t have many savings and few scholarships, but I had no real way to pay for college and stuff, so I started, um, prostituting. Sort of. I don’t know.” Misaki wasn’t looking at him, but Akihiko’s mouth dropped and he stared at his boyfriend incredulously.

“Can you explain what you mean by that?” He replied tersely, and Misaki’s head jerked up as though he’d been slapped. He shook his head quickly and looked around as though he were a caged animal.

“I’m not- I don’t- Please don’t hate me.” The man’s eyes were welling up and he wrung his fingers over and over, blinking back tears. Akihiko gripped at his cup, and frowned deeply. It was at this moment that a waitress strolled up to their table and smiled at them brightly.

“Good evening sirs! Have you been helped yet?” She said breezily, eying Misaki warily. Her gaze flicked over to Akihiko, and her smile dropped just slightly. “Can I help you with _anything_?” She said, looking at Misaki, who smiled just as brightly back at her and shook her head.

“Oh no, we’re fine.” Misaki said, his voice high and lilting, the way that he’d sounded over the phone on their first night. Akihiko watched him cautiously, and noticed the way that Misaki’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. The waitress smiled and nodded at him, sliding away to another table.

Misaki sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Um, so yeah, like I said, I was sort of a prostitute. But I’m not anymore. I can’t stress it enough, Usagi-san.” Misaki blinked at him, practically pleading with his eyes. Akihiko nodded gruffly and waited, and sure enough, Misaki began to speak again.

“It’s really complicated. “I was hypersexual. I still am, I guess. I didn’t see any real value to myself besides sex, since that’s what I’d been valued for, so I used it. I used my sexuality to lure guys in.”

“I started talking to this older guy, who really wanted to date me. He was about 30, so of course he loved talking to an 18-year old kid.” Misaki let out a shuddering sigh. “I got him to pay for some of my classes and my rent, stuff that I couldn’t cover with my jobs at the time, and he basically treated me like a little puppy. I mean, he loved it.” Misaki smirked a bit. “And I could just compliment him on his sex skills and he’d buy my groceries for a month. He was sort of my first daddy.” Akihiko felt his eyes widening, and forced himself to calm down.

“Um, so I started the dating profile and older guys just came running. And I got really good at it. So I was able to get them to buy me clothes, and pay for stuff, and all the things I needed were paid for. And I was able to cut down to one job, plus accumulate savings.” Misaki chanced a glance up to Akihiko, and blinked a few times. “I didn’t sleep with all of them. They just- they were lonely and I filled a void. And they paid for it.” Akihiko sucked in a breath, realization dawning on him.

“Is that- Is that what I was?” He asked, his question coming out as a whisper. Misaki stared at him for a moment and his eyes filled with tears.

“You were so much more to me.” He murmured, and sank his head into his palms. Akihiko went rigid in the booth.

“Wait, so that’s why you added me to your list?” He asked, his voice coming out a bit stronger than before. Misaki nodded and wiped away tears.

“It started that way, but now it’s more, like, I love you and that‘s why I stopped.” Misaki replied, his voice muffled. Akihiko felt heat rising to his cheeks and he fidgeted in his seat.

“But you want to break up with me, is it because I’m not paying enough for you?” Misaki shook his head and shrank in his seat, tears running down his face freely now. He rubbed his hands on his cheeks and tried to brush them away. Akihiko felt himself becoming angrier, and began to shake his leg under the table. “I’m just- just your sugar daddy. I just let you live with me and you- you’re a slutty gigolo who uses other people!” He said, becoming angrier with each word. A patron from another table glanced over at them, but no one else paid the two much mind. Misaki shook his head and grabbed his bag.

“I knew you’d be mad.” He said, grabbing his phone and keys as well. Akihiko reached out, impulsively, to hold Misaki’s wrist. Misaki looked at him and sniffled. “What.” He asked flatly, and Akihiko felt like the rudest person in the world.

“I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know why I said all of that. Can we go somewhere?” He pleaded, and Misaki rubbed his nose and squinted at the clock.

“I’ve got to go back to Hazel’s.” He mumbled, but didn’t pull his hand away from Akihiko. The author stood up as well, and took Misaki’s hand into his own.

“You don’t have to talk, if you don’t want to.” He corrected himself. Misaki was standing next to him, his little shoulders slumped forward and his eyes downcast. “Just go to sleep, and I’ll hold you.” He ruffled Misaki’s hair, and the kid scowled at him. “If that’s okay.” He added quickly, pushing his chest out and standing up a bit straighter.

Misaki gave him the tiniest, most adorable smile, and Akihiko’s heart melted at the sight. “I’d love that.” Came the shy, quiet response, and the author gently led him to his car, where Misaki promptly fell asleep on his shoulder and Akihiko drove them to the lakefront. He held his boyfriend, simply rubbed his back and whispered the sweetest things he could imagine to him, and the stars seemed to burn brighter than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking by this so far. I'll try and update again soon. Let me know if things don't make sense or if I messed up somewhere. I don't have a beta.


	13. Akihiko: All My Tears Have Been Used Up

_“I love you. I love you so much, Usagi.”_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Akihiko drove Misaki back to his home, and helped him sleepily climb the stairs. He opened the door for Misaki, and the student slowly shuffled into the loft, turning to watch Akihiko lock the door behind them. When the author turned back, Misaki raised his arms, giving him the slightest pout. Akihiko held back a smirk and pulled Misaki’s jacket off before pulling the other man into his arms. Misaki sighed, and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

“I’m-I’m really tired, Usagi-san.” Akihiko heard Misaki mumble into his chest. Akihiko ran his hand through Misaki’s hair and pulled him closer with the other arm.

“I know. I’ll take you upstairs, okay?” Akihiko whispered, and Misaki nodded sleepily against him. He tilted his head up and smiled softly at him. Swallowing hard, Akihiko leaned forward and pressed his lips softly against Misaki’s forehead. Misaki’s eyes flickered closed and he took a deep breath in. Akihiko then took his boyfriend’s hand and pulled him up the stairs, waiting whenever he rubbed his eyes or yawned, stopping on the stairs to hold his hand patiently.

In his bedroom, the author pulled Misaki into bed beside him and slowly rubbed his back in circles. Misaki opened his eyes slightly, and watched him. Akihiko swallowed again, and looked back, staring into Misaki’s beautiful green orbs. Misaki’s lips parted just slightly, and he whispered in the dim room.

“What do we do now?” He asked, blinking slowly at Akihiko. The older man stared back, and then shrugged quickly.

“I don’t know.” He admitted, looking shyly away from the younger man. Misaki smiled up at him, and Akihiko looked back. “We hold each other, I guess. I don’t know how this works.” Misaki nodded and inched closer to him.

“I’m okay with that.” Came the soft response. Akihiko felt an arm over his shoulder, and Misaki’s face against his chest, as was their favorite position. As he wrapped his arms around Misaki for the first time in several days, Akihiko felt as though he’d never want to let him go again, as though the promise he’d made to this man was etched in stone, and he’d never lose him.

The next morning, Misaki was gone. It was normal, for a Wednesday, yet Akihiko felt more heaviness than he’d felt all weekend. He shuffled into the kitchen, and saw the meal that Misaki had left for him. He chuckled to himself as he ate, the clock ticking loudly in his ears. It seemed as though time had stopped during the time that Misaki was gone, and now that he was back, it was starting again, all too fast. Aikawa needed the second draft of the manuscript. Two magazines wanted his feedback on some columns. Akihiko had the strangest sense of déjà vu, yet at the same time felt as though his life was moving forward at a pace much too rapid to even recognize. It was as though when he was with Misaki, everything stopped around the two of them, and they didn’t have jobs and goals and bills. Misaki felt like freedom.

After correcting his first drafts for hours, which felt more like days, Misaki called him. Of course, the author answered on the first ring after the voice machine stated who the caller was.

“Hi Usagi-san.” Misaki said over the line. Akihiko waited, breathless. Misaki sounded tired, but also refreshed, as though he were happy to hear the older man. Akihiko hoped that this was the case. “I just called to say that-that I love you. And I’ll see you today around 6:00. I’m going to bring home some food, and make you a really fancy meal. Okay?”

By the time that 6:00 arrived, Akihiko was clean, well-shaven, and well-dressed for his boyfriend. Misaki came through the door with two bags, which Akihiko helped him carry into the kitchen. He stayed around, hovering over Misaki until the younger man pushed him into the living room, firmly planting him onto the couch. Dinner was ready at 6:25, and at that time Misaki pulled him up playfully, leading the author by one finger and smiling teasingly at him from over his thin shoulder. Akihiko felt dizzy with excitement.

“How was your day?” Misaki asked, using a fork for his vegetables. Akihiko watched him struggle to hold the fork correctly for a moment before he held it firmly in his grasp. 

“It was fine. I finished a huge part of my manuscript. It was incredibly boring.” He replied, opting to use chopsticks. Misaki smiled at him and Akihiko swallowed a thick bite. Misaki’s smile was incredibly distracting. “I missed you, actually.”

Misaki stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth and suddenly flushed red. Akihiko looked at him, waiting patiently for his reaction. The younger man set his fork down and began to wipe his hands with his table cloth, obviously not looking at Akihiko. He took a drink of his water and wiped at his face, still avoiding Akihiko’s gaze. Misaki began to blink rapidly before Akihiko took Misaki’s hands into his own and forced Misaki to lock eyes with him.

“I missed you. I missed you so much, Misaki.” Misaki’s eyes were welling up with tears quickly and Akihiko moved his chair closer. In turn, his lover moved closer to him. “I’m sorry about what I said. And about what I did. I love you more than I ever loved anyone else. I’d marry you, and I can’t say that for anyone else.”

Hands curled on his sleeves, and lips met Akihiko’s. Misaki tasted sweet, like the sauce he’d used for dinner. Their hands roamed all over each other's bodies, and Akihiko felt Misaki's tongue poking around in his mouth. It was dizzying. Misaki was in Akihiko’s lap now, and he pushed them from the table, kissing with no abandon. Akihiko slid a hand under Misaki’s bottom and lifted him from the table, never breaking contact. He carried the boy into the living room, and deposited him onto the couch. Misaki made a small, “Oh!” as he landed, but reached his arms up once again, and they melted into each other. After Misaki’s pants were removed and Akihiko’s shirt was on the floor, Misaki whispered into his ear, “I want to give you all of me, Usagi-san,” and Akihiko lost his control. Their lovemaking that night was the best they’d ever had.

The next morning, Misaki kissed him awake and murmured a sweet goodbye. Akihiko laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling, for over an hour after the boy had left. Then he called Hiroki.

“Oi. You’re lucky you didn’t call me right in the middle of class, you idiot.” Came the gruff answer. Akihiko’s heart soared from hearing his friend again, and he knew that they both would let everything he’d said be water under the bridge now. For the next hour, Akihiko told Hiroki everything that had happened, from Misaki’s confession to the reunion and his plans for the future. His friend did nothing but listen and comment where he felt necessary.

“Are you sure about this? I mean, I know you’re dumb, but this is stupid even for you.” He asked warily. Akihiko assured him that he had everything planned out, and that Misaki would understand. Throughout the day, Akihiko worked on straightening the house, reorganizing things, buying some new furniture, and fixing up their spare bedroom, which now acted as a storage room. Misaki’s room lay almost as bare as when he moved in. He didn’t have many possessions, Akihiko realized with a start. He’d fix that. He’d fix anything for Misaki.

It was evening by the time Misaki returned from his job.

“Hi there!” He said brightly, and Akihiko greeted him with a kiss.

“Hello, Misaki.” He rumbled, and Misaki blushed, his lips parting slightly. The student swallowed and coughed, looking away from him. Akihiko took this opportunity to kiss his face repeatedly.

“Usagi-san,” Misaki said, embarrassed, but Akihiko pulled his boyfriend into his arms and held him, kissing his soundly on the lips again.

“I’m just happy, Misaki.” He said, pressing his lips against Misaki’s temple. He felt spindly arms around him, and somehow that felt like home.


	14. Akihiko & Misaki: Angel

“Usagi.”

Usami Akihiko opened his eyes slowly, testing the light in their room. Misaki’s face moved into view, his lips twisted to the side, hiding his smile. Akihiko felt a warmth spread into his chest as Misaki laced their fingers together and let himself smile softly.

“Good morning.” Akihiko murmured, his voice feeling scratchy and unused. “How are you feeling?”

Misaki showed his teeth as he grimaced, and sat down heavily next to him. “My ass hurts.” He whined, making Akihiko laugh. The summer light shone on them through the window, and when Misaki’s hair caught the light, it seemed to reflect gold, red, and brown. Akihiko reached up to him with a lazy hand, stroking Misaki’s hair. Misaki turned toward him, watching him with half-lidded eyes. “You hurt my bum, Usagi.” Misaki repeated, and giggled as Akihiko scratched his head.

Akihiko smiled at his boyfriend, and everything seemed right. It was a moment for only them, a moment that seemed to work _for_ them, rather than against. They’d been together for so long now, and being able to stay with Misaki for hours on end was invigorating. The student had dropped his job after Akihiko offered to pay for the rest of his schooling and take care of him. Misaki, for his part, had insisted that the help wasn’t necessary, that he could work to pay off his loans and build savings, but Akihiko had simply mentioned that if they were married, he’d do the same thing.

“Do you really think about me that way?” Misaki had asked, his eyes shining. “Like you would marry me?” There wasn’t much argument after that, and Akihiko was content, as long as Misaki was.

“Hey.” Misaki pulled at his hair now, in the morning. The student was clad in a t-shirt that was probably Akihiko’s, and his underwear. He was wearing panties, after Akihiko had bought him a few pairs. ("Usagi, these are for women!" "But you look so cute... Please?") Akihiko tilted his head toward his lover, obliging the boy’s calls.

Misaki wrinkled his nose and leaned down. “I said my ass hurts, Usagi. Can you kiss it and make it better?” Akihiko kissed him.

During the summer, Misaki studied at summer classes for most of the day, and would spend the afternoon and evening with Akihiko. The older man was fine with this setup, seeing as his novel had been a hit when released, and he needed time alone to go for written interviews and random appearances.

Since their breakup and subsequent reunion, a seed had planted itself in Usami Akihiko’s mind. It was a feeling, at first, but then grew into a wonder, a thought. He wondered about it for weeks after Misaki moved into his bedroom, and after Misaki’s old bedroom became a sort of den for the student. His friends often came over and studied or played music in that room. The seedling grew even more, and Akihiko began to give it some serious consideration, wondering about the consequences if things went negatively, or the possible outcomes from this point. The seedling became a sapling, and that was when Akihiko knew that he needed some advice.

Hiroki was blunt and truthful. “You can’t marry a college student.” Although, it wasn’t what he’d wanted to hear, the author calmly asked for an explanation rather than cursing out his friend.

“Akihiko, he still has to finish school.” Hiroki explained. “If college students are married in my classes, they’re usually a couple of high school lovers who are making their way together, not kids who got picked up by creepy millionaires.”

“I resent that.” Akihiko told him, but his friend ignored the comment.

“You just can’t. Maybe when he’s older, when he graduates.”

“That’s not for another 2 years!” Akihiko whined, the inflection sounding strange with his deep toned voice. “And I’m afraid that he’ll leave again if I don’t propose now.”

Hiroki sighed again. “You don’t do things for people you love out of fear,” he said. “You do it from love. From need, or want. You love someone, so you make love with them. You love someone so much that you need them to be closer, so you move in together. You don’t do it because you’re afraid that they’re having an affair or because you’re afraid that they don’t think you’re good at sex. You do things like that because you’re in love.”

Akihiko considered his friend’s sentiments. “But I do love him.” He protested, after a moment. “I also want to start planning the wedding, so it can be the best wedding ever, for Misaki.”

“Wait until after school starts again.” Hiroki offered, and Akihiko began to protest again. “Man, just wait! I’ll-I’ll do something too, if you wait until the school year.”

There was silence over the line as Akihiko thought to himself. “You’ll do anything? Like, we can do it together?”

“Within reason…” Hiroki warned.

“You have to eat at least 2 meals a day with Nowaki.” The author replied, and waited for a response.

Hiroki was quiet for a long while, and Akihiko almost thought that he’d hung up before he spoke softly, “I’ll try.”

Akihiko grinned to himself, and tried not to show his happiness. “Good.” He said simply, and hung up the phone. At his apartment, Hiroki tried to dry his tears before Nowaki returned.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Would you like dinner, Hiro-san?”

Nowaki always asked, and he was always so polite that it broke Hiroki’s heart every time. Every time, when Hiroki would say that he wasn’t hungry, or that he would eat later. The worst was when he accepted, and then spent the entire meal pushing his food around. With each instance, Nowaki’s bright smile became tighter and tighter, and then his glow began to dim. It hurt the both of them, and they didn’t talk about the way that Hiroki’s ribs showed during sex, or the way that it was easier for Nowaki to hurt him if they got too rough. Hiroki hid his ingrown toenails and tried not to vomit at the sight of the food he'd once loved. Tonight, however, things would be different.

He couldn’t even remember how it had gotten this bad. For years, Hiroki had battled with his inner demons, and he usually won. Maybe it had all gotten to be a bit much. The pressure of being called “Demon” by his students, the annoyance at students who filled his office with irritating demands of higher grades, better tests, easier readings. It was grating on him, and Nowaki’s new position, as a ‘real doctor’ the way he put it, didn’t ease the strain on him. The age difference between them, although not as great as the difference between his best friend and his lover, weighed on his mind as well. Nowaki was young, and so successful, and Hiroki had been in the same job for 5 years. With 3 promotions, but he ignored that on most days.

Depression had always been present in Hiroki’s life, from the time that he was a small child. He just never thought that it would get this _bad._ It happened slowly, and it wasn’t even noticeable until Hiroki realized that everything felt like the color of gray. He was embarrassed, in a way, of his mental illness, and refused to talk to a counselor. It would be mortifying. Although no one really seemed to notice at work (he was able to cover his weight loss with some easy alterations to his clothes, so they fit as snug as before), Nowaki noticed the difference in Hiroki’s mood and habits.

“You’re not eating.” It was the first time that Nowaki mentioned it aloud, and  it had been about a month after Hiroki had lessened his daily intake of food to nearly nothing.

“I’m not hungry right now. I promise that I'll eat later tonight, once I finish grading these essays." Nowaki was quiet, and Hiroki cursed Akihiko and this stupid agreement. He tried to sound normal.  "Some of these are really good, the kids must be learning.” Hiroki had chirped in reply, sounding uncharacteristically happy. In reality, he felt like his insides were drowning, but he’d be damned if he let himself show his true feelings.

Hiroki suddenly heard a slam, and looked up in shock to see Nowaki’s plate on the floor, shattered. He looked from the floor to his boyfriend, and then back to the floor again. Nowaki stood across the room, in front of the stove. He held one chopstick in his hand, dangling between his fingers, and his other hand was shaking. Hiroki felt his heartbeat quicken as Nowaki’s face twisted, like it did when he tried not to cry in front of patients, and then crumbled. Hiroki watched as his boyfriend dropped his chopstick, kicked aside some shards from the plate, and strode over to him. It happened before either of them realized it, and Nowaki fell to his knees in front of his love, and sobbed. He laid his head onto Hiroki’s lap, and pulled the older man’s shirt into his fingers. Hiroki didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so heartbreaking, and Nowaki seemed so long all of a sudden, much too long to be curled up and sad like this. The dam was broken.

“I miss you.” Nowaki’s voice was thick, and each word shot daggers into Hiroki’s heart. The older man took his beautiful boyfriend’s face between his hands and tilted his head up. Nowaki blinked, his eyes like big blue pools, like flooding oceans.

“Nowaki, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He murmured, holding back his own tears. Nowaki shushed him and sat up straighter. He pulled Hiroki in as though he’d never be able to hold him again, and pushed his face against the older man’s chest.

“Just let me in.” Nowaki managed to get out. He kissed Hiroki’s stomach and his thighs, and took his hand to kiss it as well. “We’ll work on this together, please Hiroki, I want to help. You need help love, you’re barely eating!” Nowaki’s voice grew louder with each true word, and Hiroki closed his eyes, pulled away, did everything he could to block it out.

“You need help. We’ll get you help, okay? I’ll work on this. Please?”

_This isn’t happening. I’m okay. I’m okay._

“Hiro-san. We’ll get help.”

_I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay._

“Hiro-san. I love you so much, Hiro-san.”

Nowaki’s hands were warm over his, the long fingers rubbing circles over Hiroki’s skin. The professor opened his eyes and looked down at this boyfriend, the man who was the love of his life. Nowaki stared up at him in turn, waiting patiently.

“I love you too,” was the first thing Hiroki said. The second was, “Do you know any good psychiatrists?”

When Nowaki embraced him, Hiroki felt lighter than he had for the past 5 months.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………....

“If I was a flower growing wild and free, all I’d want is you to be my sweet honeybee.”

Misaki’s English was still choppy and broken, but his sweet voice made up for that shortcoming, Akihiko believed. The two of them were sitting on a blanket by the lake, Misaki strumming a ukulele that Akihiko had bought him after the news that Misaki had enough credits to graduate at the end of this upcoming year.

“Only one year,” He’d told himself. “Just one more year.” Presently, Misaki was singing higher, and then lower, trying to decide which key he liked better. Akihiko watched him intently, a book in his hands. He was supposed to be reading a novel on which he needed to write a review, but his lover was much more enticing.

Misaki set the ukulele to the side and stretched his arms over his head. He flopped onto Akihiko’s lap, and the older man let out a grunt that was louder than necessary, just so that Misaki knew that his weight was uncomfortable. He was rewarded with a cheeky smirk and a soft kiss to his hand. As Akihiko ran his fingers through Misaki’s hair, and listened to the boy hum and mumble soft things, all of the world seemed right.

“Usagi?” Misaki had tilted his head up to look at him, and Akihiko ceased his strokes.

“Misaki.” The boy pouted the slightest bit, and then leaned tighter against the older man.

“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you’d never met me?” Misaki asked softly, taking one of Akihiko’s hands and cradling it in his own two. The author stared at him, and then bent over to kiss the boy on his plump little lips.

“No.” Akihiko said firmly. He brushed back Misaki’s bangs and kissed him repeatedly, feeling his boyfriend’s smile against his own skin. “I met you by miracle, whether you believe it or not.” Misaki turned over and crawled up to straddle Akihiko’s lap. He kissed the author, and Akihiko gripped Misaki’s sides.

“I love you, Akihiko.” Misaki kissed his cheek and moved his lips by his ear. “I love you so, so much.”  He kissed the older man’s ear, and Akihiko thought he might melt into the sand from his boyfriend’s ministrations. Misaki tangled one hand in Akihiko’s hair, and moved the other to his pants zipper.

“You really saved me.” Misaki whispered, biting his ear. Akihiko let out a shaky breath, and helped Misaki unzip his pants. The boy smiled coyly and began to massage his boyfriend’s member through his boxers. “You may not know it, but you saved me, and I love you so damn much.” The older man swallowed hard as Misaki began to kiss his neck, slipping a small hand under his boxers. Akihiko sighed in pleasure as Misaki kissed down his shoulders, and as the student moved between his legs, he thought of their wedding.

It wasn’t until the school year began again that things got hard again. Misaki was at school from 10 a.m. until 4, and he also participated in manga club and practiced with the band. Akihiko considered dozens of ways each day to propose, and reconsidered at the last moment each time. He’d plan out every last detail, think and rethink his method, and then at the last minute, he’d reconsider. The ring was the easiest to pick out. Misaki thought that huge diamonds were tacky and unnecessary, but he’d still want to spoil his lover. He finally decided upon a simple silver band with 3 encrusted diamonds, small but still noticeable. There was an inscription on the inside that read, “My one, my only” in small kanji. Misaki would love it, or he’d take it straight back to the store and pay for another. Now Akihiko simply had to wait for the perfect moment.

The perfect moment ended up coming much sooner than expected. It was December, and Christmas lights lit up every square. Misaki didn’t celebrate Christmas religiously, like Akihiko, but the boy still insisted that they would share Christmas gifts. December 25th happened to be a Friday, which worked perfectly for Akihiko’s plan. Misaki came home early, and bounded into the house like an excited puppy.

“Hi! Hi!” He shouted, throwing his bag onto the floor and throwing himself into Akihiko’s arms. The author caught him and laughed, kissing his boyfriend happily.

“Hello there.” He rumbled, and Misaki giggled and coughed quietly into his arm, his cheeks red from the cold. What Akihiko wouldn’t give to be sliding himself in between those cheeks right now….

That was for later. Now, Akihiko pulled Misaki from the ground and they kissed in the entryway. While the older man was ready for more (so much more), Misaki pulled away and bounded to their room to change.

_Just a few more hours,_ Akihiko thought. _A few more hours, and I’ll have a fiancé._

Now that the time to propose was so close, the clock seemed to move slowly, even slower than it had all day.

“Misaki!” Akihiko called impatiently from the bottom of the stairs. He drummed his fingers on the banister and jiggled his knee. “Misaki, you’re taking forever!”

Misaki yelled something unintelligible back at him, and then there was the sound of the door slamming. “Usagi-san, how many have I TOLD you…” The younger man’s voice began, and Akihiko twisted toward the top of the stairs, where Misaki stood, looking impeccable and perfect in jeans and a red blazer. He started down the stairs languidly, each move tugging at his well-pressed white shirt, which was tucked into his pants.

Misaki reached the bottom of the stairs and leaned into Akihiko’s chest, smiling coyly as the older man took a deep and indignant breath.

“Perfection takes time, old man.” And with that, Misaki led the author out of the apartment in a state of near stupor, leaving him in utter amazement that this man could be his, _would_ be his if all went well.

Dinner was as uneventful as usual, unless one considered having dinner with Misaki Takahashi uneventful. During their hour and fifteen minutes are the restaurant, the student had spilled soy sauce on his shirt, broken a plate, pretended to be a walrus with his chopsticks, and then blushed and hid them when a waitress gave him a disapproving look. He also fumbled over trying to hold Akihiko’s hand across the table, which the older man thought was absolutely adorable. No one else could intrigue and captivate him in this way, and if this was a business dinner, he’d already have sent the other participant home. After dessert and a yawn from his sleepy lover, the author knew that he was ready.

Misaki didn’t protest when they drove to the lakefront rather than the apartment. Instead, he ran out into the snow, laughing like a child. He turned back toward Akihiko, and with his arms spread wide, fell backwards onto the snow. Akihiko chuckled and pulled him up. Misaki responded by sneezing and snuggling against him. The wetness of the snow soaked through Misaki’s coat to his own, but Akihiko didn’t pay it any mind. He was already busy trying to fumble with the box in his pocket.

“Misaki…” Akihiko started, and big green eyes looked up at him with absolute awe. Akihiko felt his breath hitch in his throat at that look. Would he ever find a love like this again? It wasn’t likely. And here was the green-eyed angel, waiting for him, smiling at him, _loving_ him.

It should be illegal to feel such happiness.

“Misaki,” Akihiko began again, and cleared his throat. Misaki simply hugged against him tighter, and smiled brightly, his round cheeks red from the cold. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else, and I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like this again.” Misaki sniffled and looked down as he wiped his nose on his scarf, and back up at his boyfriend again. “When I look at you, it’s like I’m looking back at myself, like all the better parts of me came together and wrapped themselves up into the best person that I could be – and made you.” He ran a thumb over Misaki’s face. “I love you, Misa-chan.”

With that, Akihiko pulled out the box from his pocket and gave it to the love of his life.

The significance and worth was not lost on Misaki, who stared at the ring in total shock. “You’re kidding,” he whispered, and took the ring gingerly from the velvet. Akihiko watched him, fear skirting up his back. Misaki pulled off his glove and slipped the ring on, and stared at it some more, his mouth falling open in shock. He looked from the ring to Akihiko, and back from Akihiko to the ring. Without any warning, he turned and tackled his lover to the ground, holding the other man down with a tight embrace.

“So you like it?” Akihiko managed to sputter out.

“Like it?” Misaki almost shouted. “Yes! Yes, yes yes, a thousand, million times yes, Akihiko! I love you so much, we’re going to have the best wedding ever!!!”

They lay there for a few moments more, before Akihiko finally pulled Misaki to his feet and took the young man back to their apartment. And even as they had clumsily made their way to their bedroom, kissing and laughing the whole way, and Misaki shivered with the cold and came closer, Akihiko felt warm. As he looked at his fiancé lying beside him, and thought of the snow dripping onto the floor, and the preparations that needed to be made, and if Misaki’s family should be called, the author looked down at his love, and felt nothing but warmth.

And for now, it was all that Akihiko needed. Forever, Misaki was all that he’d need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I liked writing it, and leave a comment to let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> Just fair warning- there will some triggers in later chapters, but I'll add tags and warnings in the beginning of each chapter. I just don't want to spoil some parts of the story so far. I hope to be able to update this story every Friday as much as I possibly can.  
> Thanks for reading, and please leave a comment on what you think :)


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